Funny Quotes/sayings Game :)

[superluvrgurl]

Thought it would be something fun to post some funny quotes or sayings that you have heard. I'll go first. Here are a few I know....

1. Never argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience (my signature lol)

2. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups! - Dave Crow

[sweetrsue]

"Always keep a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room and when it gets full you can just throw it out the window." Steve Martin

[JaspersMomma]

I had to look for some. I'm not a funny person in general so here's some I just found a minute ago. :)

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
-- Joe Namath

Robin Williams:

Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ( I ask the SAME thing)
-- (from Mork and Mindy)

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!
-- Jay Leno

Sorry for so much, but I found a lot I liked! Lol.

[Kai]

My favorite - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.

[birdboykaufman]

Here's one I've always thought was funny...

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think your an idiot, than to open it and remove all doubt."

[sweetrsue]

"If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life then get wasted all the time and have the time of your life".
Billy Connelly

[superluvrgurl]

oooooh..... how about......

If all the world is a stage, then where does the audience sit?

I can only please one person a day. Today is NOT your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either.

[xxxSpikexxx]

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer :o
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Procrastinate now, don't put it off

[moondust]

ok. im new here but this is one about a cornershot gun with a cat descize...
"if you see an unusually tall cat with what looks like a cork coming out of its mouth in your local war zone, i don't think cat nip is going to do any good here! - by...i forget...lol!

[sweetrsue]

Some of my favorite quotes came from Yogi Berra:

"It's like Deja Vu all over again."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

He doesn't take credit for all of these quotes himself but in the process said something else worth repeating. "I didn't say half the things I said."

[sweetrsue]

There must be more funny sayings out there!!! I have another:
"Before you judge a man walk a mile in his shoes...after that who cares, he's a mile away and you've got his shoes."
Billy Connolly

[superluvrgurl]

lol Ive been told that before :)

[slinkard28]

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best."

"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Nov. 12, 2008 (if anyone knows what he ment by that.. PLEASE let me know)

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Ok i have a lot.. Is there a limit to this? lol

[slinkard28]

ok I just saw this one and laughed. Its really funny because David, my boyfriends, mom is in college for psychology and David's brother is Mexican.

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

[atvchick95]

some i've used many times over

"your not the brightest crayon in the box, Are you?"

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

my very own personal ones - dubbed from " save a horse Ride a cowboy" - but mine is " save a cowboy, ride a redneck" Yep i'm a good ole' redneck, get me dirty please I'm happier :d

this one i found tonight while helping my daughter do research on one of the presidents - she had to find one of the presidents Quotes she was doing a bio on

her president is Gerald Ford and i thought this one was cute (mainly because my moms last name is also ford and we tease her about it. on her birtday last year my dad told her "well i finally get to drive a 57 Ford" lol)

" I am a Ford, Not a Lincoln"

"Number 1 cause for Divorce.... Marriage"




Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was. -Will Rogers

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
- Johnny Carson (about Chevy Chase)

A Real job is a job you hate.

The only job where you start at the top, is digging a hole.


Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln


If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain


I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Gabor

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
- Roseanne


Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
- Gary Busey

[Betty.Jamie]

tearsure today like it is your last, learn like your going to live for ever
-unknow

[4LovelyTiels]

My all time fave--"Those who say dog is man's best friend, was never owned by a parrot."--Unknown

[lovinbirdies]

My all time favorite quote is ... "Every journey begins with the first step." President Roosevelt

Another good one is ... "Catch a fish for me and I'll eat for a day, but teach me to fish and I'll eat for a lifetime."

[sweetrsue]

Winston Churchill had some great quotes. There was a dinner party he attended that was also attended by Lady Astor. Winston was drinking heavily as usual. At one point Lady Astor said to Winston "Sir you are drunk" he replied "Madam you are ugly and in the morning I shall be sober". There was another exchange between him and a lady at a party. She said to him "If you were my husband I would poison your tea." he replied "If you were my wife I would drink it"