# petting them?



## animalfanatic!

Hello everyone-

My 4 month old 'tiel Kokomo will step up to anyone who puts their finger in front of him, he also sits on my shoulder and preens my hair, and he is with me all of his waking hours as I take him to school, and when I leave the room he calls out for me but he hates to be petted I keep doing it (touching his back) and have tried to touch his head but then he nips (no blood just a knock it off nip). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, (or are there just some birds who will never like to be touched?)
thanks Stacey


----------



## tielfan

There are some birds who will never like to be touched, but the majority of cockatiels will learn to like being petted on the head. There are some who will also tolerate backstroking, but most of them don't really like it. Cockatiels preen each other's heads all the time but don't normally touch each other's backs unless they're mating or fighting, so their instincts aren't geared toward back-petting. Back-petting shouldn't be done on hens since it helps stimulate them into breeding mode, and sometimes it can be a problem with males too.

It takes a lot of trust for cockatiels to start allowing head petting, and you haven't reached the right level yet with your bird. Teach your bird to take treats from your fingers if he isn't doing it already, because this helps to create trust and a good attitude toward your hands. It's good for something else too once the bird is used to it - if you hold a small treat between your thumb and third finger, this leaves your index finger free to "cop a feel" on his head or neck while he's taking the treat. Many birds are annoyed by this at first, but if you're not too pushy they will gradually get used to it and will probably start to like it. This is how many of my tiels learned that head scritches were good!


----------



## Pandabear16

Tielfan is right, my tiel didn't like being scritched at all at first, he would wrap his head around and kind of nibble at my fingers (but not hard) like you mentioned. I kept it up a little each day, and pretty soon he decided it felt good! Now he bends his head all different directions so I can get every little spot on his neck! Just do it little by little, he may come around liking it


----------



## Danielle

That's exactly right, the same thing happened with Harley. He didn't like me stroking his head and shoulders at first, and now his favourite way to be touched is to have me slowly stroke his feathers the wrong way from his shoulders to his beak. He also loves me rubbing his beak between my fingers.

It's just trust, and it takes time. Even Quinn, who hates hands with a passion after being handled with gardening gloves all his life, will take a very quick stroking of his crest before he gets annoyed.


----------



## drdylanman

*reply to petting them*

I'm fairly new to owning a bird, so i chose to get a hand-fed baby cockatiel. He's a white-face pearl male, and he looks like an owl--which is what attracted me to him over babies with more color. Therefore, his name is Blizzard! But, he is extremely tame and let me feed him from my hand when I first got him. I started telling him he's a good boy, and started rubbing his head when he'd be sitting on his cage. Eventually, he started letting me kiss his head and began kissing me back. Now--he loves having his head and neck rubbed and loves to give kisses as well as receive them. He is a little weird about letting my pet his back, so i have to do it very gently and not too far down towards the tail. He will let me sometimes rub his stomach, too. So, I guess how much they will let you do depends on what they like and don't feel threatened by, and I think because he was young when I got him that that helped him get used to me giving him rubs and kisses.


----------



## PtsRPpl2

Kiki is nearly 8 months now, and she STILL won't let me scritch her. Every time I try to sneak a scritch, she gets mad at me. I haven't been persistent about it though. I have tried handfeeding her something and then doing it (and also the towel thing), but she still gets really irritated with me. So how do you NOT be pushy about it but persistent? Stacey's seems to adore her otherwise so what else could she do to earn that level of trust? What can "I" do to earn that level of trust, also? (Even though mine doesn't adore me like Stacey's does - so I have to work harder!) It's frustrating when you've had such friendly birds before and one now that won't let you touch her.  She's so funny though - she hisses and THEN steps up to my finger (most but not all times) and she still cowers in the corner when I first come home and open her door - then steps out when I leave the room calling to me and ready for me to get her. So what's up with all that? Why is she so scared even after 5 months with me? Even if I got another tiel, I wonder if she'd be like she was when I first got her - hiding in the corner by herself.


----------



## Tike2

Tiki doesn't like to be touched... he is more than happy to "step up".. and sit on my shoulder, I have had him about 4 months, once in a while I still try a head Skritch, but he still doesn't like it, so I don't force him.. Torch on the other hand loves skritches and begs for them, nibbling my fingers till I rub his head and neck. Twisting his head every direction to get the full benefit...  I think part of it is just the individual bird. Some like it, some don't.


----------



## jerry2006

*head scratch*

I have owned Ash, my rescue cockatiel, for a little over a month now.
i was told he is about 1 year old.
Amazing bird,!
Thanks for all the posts-nowmaybe I can help you.
After teaching Ash step up & balance on his play gym "rope", he has quickly learned to enjoy head scratching, along the top tip of his spinal coloumn.
From there, he quickly let me touch his topskull & crest-really loves it.
He now "tolerates me stroking very gently his wing feathers, which are now slowly growing out.
We learn respect for each other everyday & is not a slow process at all!
Jerry


----------



## Avalon_Princess

With Echo he only allows touching when he requests it. He has a special noise when he wants a scritch and he'll rub his head all over you trying to get one. But if he doesn't ask, he doesn't want and he'll slash and bite if you try.


----------



## tielfan

> I have tried handfeeding her something and then doing it (and also the towel thing), but she still gets really irritated with me. So how do you NOT be pushy about it but persistent?


My first recommendation would be to avoid the towel as much as you can, because it is NOT a trust builder. Feed lots of treats by hand because that's the best way to demonstrate that hands are her friends. Have several sessions where you don't try to sneak in a touch at all, and after that only try to do it once in a while. You want her to learn to relax, and not be constantly on the lookout against you and your annoying finger. If she's relaxed you have a better chance of her not getting mad at the finger when you do try to touch her.

It's possible that she'll never accept petting. I've had Mims for two years now and she still won't let me pet her, although I can get away with a little touch on the head every now and then. I suspect that she was handled roughly before I got her, because she has always been a lot more hand-shy than the other tiels. But she has settled down a lot and will step up on my finger sometimes (although she greatly prefers a stick), and she'll take treats from my hand.


----------



## sweetrsue

The last thing you want to do is destroy the trust you are trying to build. Toweling will do that. If you can accept the bird on it's terms all the better for both of you. Like tielfan said some birds will never accept pets. I have two that are very social with me, will land on my shoulder, play with my hair and accept food from my hand. They will step up onto my hand but they do not like to be pet at all. The were just breeders where they came from so I'm very pleased that they are willing to associate with me as much as they do.


----------



## animalfanatic!

wow what great information (thanks everyone) i am trying the millet between my fingers and so far so good I can at least get closer to his head. Oh and I just thought of something the lady I got him from completely ignored him and to get him out of the cage when I picked him up she used gardening gloves (I think he knew that she didn't like him in fact his name was Trouble) and the day after I got him I had him stepping up, so I have been used to fast results with him and now I think it will take a while to teach him that I can scratch his head and body


----------



## Danielle

Quinn was handled with gardening gloves too, and he's so terrified of hands that he won't step up or allow patting. He only accepts being held if I'm holding him to my chest in both hands, and even then it's only a grudging acceptance, and it's only for as long as he wants. The only time he ever unfailingly steps up willingly is after he's been on the shower perch.

He's a lot better now, he's not biting at all and he's not lunging as often, but if your poor guy got the same rough treatment as Quinn did, I'd focus more on getting him to not fear hands before I even tried to start giving him scratches and rubs. I occasionally stroke Quinn's crest if he happens to be in my hands, but I never force the issue and stop as soon as he protests.

I know people have mentioned it, but I can't stress how much toweling damages their trust; Quinn gets toweled at the vet and he regresses for days after.


----------



## jorgenson1717

I purchased a 5 week old hand fed cockatiel in September 2008. I wasn't able to tke it home as it was still being hand fed. My boys and I would go and visit our bird at the pet store at least 3 times a week before it was able to home with us. It learned the step up command right away and has always loved being scratched on the head and neck and doesn't mind when we pet its back or tail feathers. I guess I should lay off on the back petting though. I think my cockatiel is becoming overly bonded with me so I am encouraging my boys to take Cocoa out and play with it every day, especially when I'm at work. 

Good luck!

Cindy


----------



## PtsRPpl2

I hate toweling her since she hates it so much but I've had several people actually recommend toweling so I'm really confused!! I've been told TO towel her and try to sneak scritches that way - that most times they'll accept it and enjoy it if they CAN'T see your hands. Plus, they recommend a towel game of peek-a-boo. PLUS, toweling to help trim wings, help dry off, etc. (Course, toweling her only made the wing-clipping really tough so I have to sneak and do it UNTOWELED.) So now I am totally confused. But I know everyone always recommends different and conflicting ideas. I DO know that I want to build her trust though and since she doesn't like the towel, it's out!! I haven't tried toweling her at all lately (except once in a while to try to dry her off some). 

Thanks for everyone's help!! 

I know everyone agrees not to force it and take it slow and maybe they'll like scritches and maybe they won't...but how do you BUILD trust? Just try to read their signals and respect their feelings and it's just something that happens over time? Obviously, some faster than others!


----------



## xxxSpikexxx

Spike took awhile until he liked scritches and now he will let me open up his pin feathers on his head. I make sure they are ready to come off though of course. I think that no matter a birds gender, that you should only scritch and pet their heads.


----------



## tielfan

> I hate toweling her since she hates it so much but I've had several people actually recommend toweling so I'm really confused!!


Toweling as a taming/training technique is dominance, pure and simple. Dominance used to be recommended a lot, but it has fallen out of favor among knowledgeable bird people now that we know more about parrot psychology. You'll still hear people recommend it sometimes but it is NOT a good thing. 

Toweling is sometimes necessary for grooming and medical exams. In situations where it can't really be avoided, it's best to let somebody else do the toweling so at least it won't be you inflicting this ordeal on the bird. He'll sure as heck distrust THEM, but he might still be OK with you.

As for playing peekaboo with a towel, I haven't had any success getting that to work on a cockatiel. Some species react better to towel games and body handling than others, and tiels don't seem to care for it much. One thing that DOES seem to make toweling less scary is using a towel that's approximately the same color as the bird - that would be gray or yellow/white for tiels. The explanation I've heard is that a similar-colored towel resembles a member of the flock while a different-colored towel will seem more like a dangerous attacker.



> how do you BUILD trust? Just try to read their signals and respect their feelings and it's just something that happens over time?


Yes, that's pretty much it. Avoid scaring them and try to be a pleasant companion to them. Offering treats in your hand can be a very good way to make friends.


----------



## Danielle

A really good thing to do is avoid reaching for them overhead (which mimics predatory movement), to move slowly around them, and avoid any sudden noises.


Having to tame Quinn has been a big learning curve for me. I've been rehabilitating unsocialised and abused pet rats for years, and while a lot of the principles and techniques for gaining trust are exactly the same, rats learn not to fear you through constant forced hands-on handling, which is the polar opposite of what you'd do with a tiel. It's weird not using forced socialisation since it's almost miraculously effective with rats, but somehow I think Quinn would be scarred for life if I forced him to be touched for 20 straight minutes. Besides, I'm sure birds are able to sustain their fear response past 20 minutes, whereas rats can't or don't.

I've still taken something from that, though - I might not be able to handle him until he's not afraid and relaxes, but I do take him out and put him on my shoulder and move around him normally so he's exposed to sound and movement and learns it won't hurt him. He's become a lot more confident since I started gradually exposing him to more places and different experiences. 

I avoided doing that until he was settled in and knew I wasn't going to hurt him, but he's responded well to it so far.


----------



## PtsRPpl2

Thank you SOOOO much, Tielfan and Rouille! I so appreciate all your - as usual! - excellent advice!!!


----------

