# Not making any progress



## DigiSaint (Mar 26, 2013)

Hey everyone, it's over a year now since I got my first cockatiel and joined this forum and now I'm back hoping for some suggestions.

*Here's the situation:* 
My 1.5 year old female cockatiel "Kirby" is a cute, quirky little thing, but she hasn't really reached the level of tameness / socialization that I hear people talk about on these forums with their birds.

In the morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is go into my office, take the blanket off of her cage, open it up and she steps up onto my hand so I can put her on the top of her cage - usually with no fuss at all. When she's not shoulder surfing or perched on the little wooden play gym downstairs, she spends her time on the top of the cage where she has food, water and most of her toys.



The issue is, other than that one morning interaction, she's grumpy and miserable most of the time. She tolerates me more than others in the family and actually makes a little sad chirp every time I walk out of my office, but she doesn't like to be touched, petted, skritched or hand-fed. 

I've trained my wife and kids to talk to her softly every day, approach her slowly, offer treats etc., but we're not really seeing any progress almost a year later.

She doesn't really play with any of her toys (despite me rearranging and replacing them every few weeks) and 90% of the time she will hiss and lunge at anyone that comes near her or her cage. 

She's not so much "aggressive" as she is "reactive", but I guess I was hoping that once she calmed down and got used to us that we'd have a cuddly affectionate bird, but instead we've got a hissing grumpy one.

I asked the people at the bird store where I got her and they said that "cockatiels aren't really known for being affectionate" and that I might just needed to "work with her", without actually explaining what that means. I'm realizing now that they don't pay as much attention to the cockatiels as they do the bigger more expensive birds :/

*Anyway, does anyone have any concrete techniques or a training regiment / schedule that I can follow that will help make her more sociable?* I'd really like it if she was friendly enough that my kids could feed her and interact with her.


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## Riley92 (Apr 1, 2014)

Cockatiels have different personalities just like us. Some are social with people and others aren't. It may just be your girl isn't interested in human interaction. One of my previous cockatiels didn't want anything to do with people, only birds. My other cockatiel is very affectionate with people and wants nothing to do with birds. 
You should do training 2-3 times a day for 15min to get the best results from my experience. You don't want to push them outside of their comfort zone. Flattening their feathers is the first sign of worry, then it's hissing, then biting or thrashing to get away. I'll usually push something until they flatten out their feathers and then I back off. 
It sounds like she is wary of your hands since she doesn't like being touched and won't take food from you. What I'm doing with my untamed one is placing millet (he's crazy for it) as close as I can get until he flattens out. I'll take my hand away and see if he goes to get it. If he still looks uncomfortable I'll take a step back and wait till he takes the millet. Keep placing it down, getting closer depending how she reacts. When you are getting close and she isn't worried, place the treat but don't remove your hand completely. Gradually leave your hand closer and closer. Eventually she should take it from your fingers. 
Some people never manage to give their tiels scratches and you can only manage it once they are very comfortable with your hands. As for time, it varies from one bird to another. Trying to force something will set you back, so patience is key. I hope that helps you out. As for playing with toys its more curiousity than actually playing. If they aren't curious about something they won't touch it. 
Cockatiels are very affectionate birds but they don't like everyone they meet. It's just like I'm not besties with every stranger I pass on the street. Good luck


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## sunnysmom (Sep 23, 2011)

Some tiels are definitely more affectionate than others. But could her grumpiness be from some other cause? How much sleep does she get? What is her diet like? Also, my tiel isn't really big on playing with toys either but he loves to "help" me with whatever I'm doing. Have you tried maybe sitting with her and playing with things with her. For instance, if I'm looking at mail, I have a pile and Sunny has the junk mail pile, which he'll happily shred. Or I'll let him sit on my lap while I read a magazine and he'll chew on the edges, while I read, etc.


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## slugabed (Jul 27, 2014)

DigiSaint said:


> I asked the people at the bird store where I got her and they said that "cockatiels aren't really known for being affectionate" and that I might just needed to "work with her", without actually explaining what that means. I'm realizing now that they don't pay as much attention to the cockatiels as they do the bigger more expensive birds :/


I'm sorry that I can't help (mine currently is a very affectionate baby) but that's just terrible from the store. I guess since you'll spend less on the 'tiel means you're in the lower revenue class of customers. *sigh*


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## Lau328 (Apr 13, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are having some trouble. Keep in mind that each cockatiel has a different perspective on life and personality. I have 2 males and a female and I can honestly say that my female sounds a lot like yours. She does not want to handled or pet while my males won't leave me alone. 

However, that doesn't mean that she is no capable of being more affectionate. Some things could be interfering with her behavior. You mentioned she is in your office right? If it's not an active part of the house, she will get used to a more quiet environment. I'm not suggesting you transfer her to the living right because that could be too much too fast, but maybe try introducing her to other parts of the house. Also when a bird spends most of their time without socialization, they can at times becomes some what isolated and uninterested in human connection. But the fact that she comes out for you in the morning is good and shows trust. My female tiel does the same thing and sits on top of her cage everyday. It's safety to her. She was rescued so as much as I want to pet her, I have to respect her "attitude" and don't force it. Once in a while, she'll fly off to sit with me...but mostly, she loves to just perch up on the top of her cage. She's a little grumpy too. Ha.

Does she have a favorite toy? If so, encourage your kids and wife to try that. Treats are a great way and speaking gently is good too. Last thing you want is for your bird to associate a negative behavior with your family. 

Leave her toys for a little longer. It can take a cockatiel up to a month to adjust to a new toy and one day when you think they hate it, you find them playing with it.. I love that you are trying hard, but too much stimulation can backfire. 

Maybe let her hang out on your desk while you work? If that's possible. My birds love to chew magazine edges and such. 

Your notation from the bird store about "cockatiels aren't really known for being affectionate" is not true...they are just all different.

Anyway, some suggestions are try to keep a consistent schedule with her if she's in your office. What does she eat? Try incorporating fruits and veggies. My female loves romaine lettuce and wheat/rye bread. Also, try a spray bath with a mist. My female tiel loves to get her bath by the spray bottle!! Make sure she is getting a minimum of 10 hours of sleep a night but try for 12. Lack of sleep makes them grumpy. Play a radio for her when you aren't in there. Make sure her cage is not by a window where she could be getting frightened by outside activity. Try to have her included in the family more. Maybe if the cage has wheels, roll the cage into the living room for tv time or while family is eating in the kitchen to let her see activity. You might notice a big difference! Whatever her favorite treat is, encourage your children to place it on her cage so she starts to associate positive connections and hopefully, she will one day take it from there hand. But if not, don't be too hard on her or yourself...some tiels just like to be independent. GOOD LUCK!!!!earl:


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