# What have I done?



## PetLover72 (Mar 14, 2011)

My heart is breaking. I came up to feed baby Woody his last meal of the day tonight and something went terribly wrong. I've lost the little one - he died in my hands - with me begging him not to go - and I still can't believe it. The food must have gone down the wrong way this time - drowning him - but why this time? What have I done? Same amount..same temp...same position of the syringe in his beak...??

I fed him the same way tonight as I did countless times before - he was begging as usual, doing the head-bob feeding I had come to delight in...and suddenly, he was going limp in my hands. Someone here described if the food went down the "wrong way" during hand feeding he would likely die instantly. I just cannot fathom how I could have done this - I cannot believe he's gone. I keep thinking I hear him squawking - calling for me - wanting to be fed. I am just lost.

I had to post here to let you all know - I'm sorry for being such a terrible Mom to Woody in the end. I don't know what on earth I did differently this time and I would give anythign to take it back.

I wasn't trying to breed my tiels but wanted so badly to do right by this little angel that so wanted to be in this world. I tried so hard to follow everyone's directions and heed all the advice I was being given.

I hope he is happy and at peace wherever he is now. I loved you little buddy...

Erika


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## MeanneyFids (Aug 24, 2010)

he was very very well loved. you tried your best! you did everything you were told, everything. im so sorry to hear he passed  you are a good pet owner. if you werent, you wouldnt have cared so much. but you did and you cared for him as best as you could. it was not your fault. things happen that are out of our control and we feel horrible, we feel like its our fault and feel like we couldve done more or they shouldve had more time with us. life can be gone in a blink of an eye and theres nothing we can do and its horrible for something so small, innocent, and delicate to be in your hands and you know hes dying, you know it and theres nothing you can do. but he knew he was loved. its the worst thing knowing he was going, i know. im in tears here. im completely bawling my eyes out. he knew you tried. he knew he was loved. we all knew. im so sorry you had to lose him so early. you fought hard for him. dont beat yourself up. take time to grieve, let it take days, weeks, months or even years. take as long as you need. he was loved and he knew it. you tried so hard

rest in peace Woody.


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## xoxsarahxox (Dec 13, 2010)

Oh no Im so sorry Your not a terrible mom dont even think that for a second!!! You were a great mom to the little guy! I dont know anything about handfeeding babies so im no help there but I am truly truly sorry for your loss Your post has left me teary eyed RIP little Woody.


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## nwoodrow (Feb 13, 2011)

im so sorry for your loss, and dont ever feel like it was your fault hun, it may just have been his time, its a sad thing us breeders must acknowledge but not every chick survives to eat on his own, i lost 3 one year due to a brooder malfunction and i used to keep thinking back if only they had of been on the feeding schedule for later that evening i might have caught it in time but if you keep thinking that way you miss out on the excitement of the healthy little ones that still rely on you.


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

I'm so sorry dear, it hurts to lose a little one especially one you worked so hard to save. You did your best and don't ever think it wasn't good enough. I lost two this last year while handfeeding, one was stunted and died peacefully in the night, the other I had a heating pad malfunction in my car and it short-circuited, frying him, right there next to me. I kept thinking if I had been driving like I had planned instead of my hubby he woulda been safely in my lap, warm by my body heat and under my coat. Don't blame yourself, you were a very good mommy!

R.I.P Woody


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## PetLover72 (Mar 14, 2011)

Thank you for the kind words you guys. I still can't stop crying. I feel like I hear him in the next room and then I remember... It helps me to hear I'm not the only one that's lost a baby - even though I realize that....still good to hear. I feel like such a failure. I'm sure it will get easier with time. My boyfriend Darren, my three dogs, and my two other tiels are here for me but it will be hard to forget those last helpless minutes with my little guy. He was such a fighter....I was sure he was going to make it.


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## lperry82 (Aug 2, 2010)

Im ever so sorry you did all you could to help him


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## tielfan (Aug 31, 2008)

I'm so sorry that this has happened. It's possible that it didn't have anything at all to do with the handfeeding - maybe he was born with some kind of problem that didn't allow for long-term survival, and it was just his time to go. You made a heroic effort to keep him alive and happy and that's the most that anyone can do.


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## pknight1120 (Feb 9, 2011)

I had a clutch of 3 I got from the breeder and one of mine, Lucky, died. He was stunted and dehydrated and I was on this forum all the time trying to get him healthy, and he got a lot better and then died suddenly early one morning. I was heartbroken, as I blamed myself too. I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes no matter what we do, it is just not enough.


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## nkeith2 (Feb 6, 2011)

I am so very sorry for your loss and like others have said, don't blame yourself at all. It was his time and he probably had something going on internally that you couldn't see or do anything about. This exact same thing happened to my hubby one night when we tried feeding a baby that was cold and very lethargic. One minute he was hungry and wanting to eat and then the next, he just became limp in my hubby's hands. My hubby and I both cried for quite a long time that night so we can completely relate. Just know he is in a great place now and can have all the millet and treats he can eat


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## elenafan23 (Aug 16, 2009)

I had the same thing happen to me I was feeding one second the next it was limp. That's why i'm not breeding tiels anymore. Sorry for your loss


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## PetLover72 (Mar 14, 2011)

Thanks to everyone who posted here - your kind words have been a great comfort to me. I can't believe he's gone - I know time will help me get over his loss and I'm working on lessening the blame I've put on myself. Thanks for the understanding...


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

That's what we're here for hun, we understand the loss you're experiencing.


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## srtiels (May 1, 2009)

((((HUGS))))

It sounds like the baby aspirated.

I have aspirated several over the years and just aspirated a little lovebird chick a couple days ago, so I know how you feel.

Sometimes it does not matter how careful you are, it can still happen. All it takes is the little one moving the wrong way, just a tiny bit, as formula is being fed.

*BUT,*,,,,just an* FYI* for those that handfed. If a baby swallows wrong and suddenly just collapses, *quick* pick it up, place your entire mouth over it's beak, and very* gently* blow one or two short quick puffs of air into it's beak. This will help to remove the food blocking the air and allow the baby to breathe. I have saved several babies this way, but it has to be done as soon as you are aware this happened.


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## PetLover72 (Mar 14, 2011)

Thank you for posting Susanne - I needed the ((hugs))  I miss the little guy soooo much...will definitely be separating my birds - no more hatching eggs for me again. I couldn't go through this - or put another baby through this - ever again.


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