# Cockatiel lost mate



## mrfantasticaj (Oct 3, 2016)

Hi guys I'm new to the forum but today one of my females passed away and her mate of 3 years has started calling out with a new noise and searching for her. I do have another pair and they all spend most of the day out together on the cages and perch but is there anything I can do? 
He's not hand tame anymore but I do talk and whistle to him a lot and he can fly over to me at his leisure.
Does he need to see his mate also? She seemed poorly yesterday and passed this morning with me so he's not seen her since last night. 
would it help? 
Feel guilty atm that I can't console him. 
Thanks guys, Al 


Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk


----------



## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

Letting him see his mate can give him some closure. 

Other than that it's just going to take time. Tiels can grieve so make sure he has lots of toys and things to play with as well.


----------



## ninfatiel (Jul 22, 2016)

It depends on his character and also on how bonded he was to the female (amount of time spent together doesnt guarantee strong bond). I had one male Tiel who stopped eating after the female's passing. He was literally wasting away and I had to buy another hen,who looked like the previous one to console him.. However if your tiel is eating,he should be OK with a lot of TLC from you.


----------



## mrfantasticaj (Oct 3, 2016)

Thanks for the replies, Hes hand reared but since I've had him he's not been too friendly but does enjoy sitting on you singing. He calmed down after a day and his poos were watery but now he spends a few hours with me and my other half walking around and he seems good. 
They were very close birds he kept her looking.pukka and defended her from me when I would stroke her lol. 


Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk


----------



## EllenD (Oct 9, 2016)

Oh this is so sad, it's amazing how bonded and attached they become to one another. He'll be ok in time, but he will want to bond to either another bird or to a human soon. 

You mentioned that he was hand reared (I'm guessing you mean hand-raised and taken from his parents, rather than just hand-fed). I don't know how old he is or how long you've had him (if you're his original owner), but if he's gotten mean or to the point that you can't handle him, this is probably your best opportunity to change his personality, and probably rather quickly. 

Most hand-raised birds that end up not wanting to be handled have just not been handled every day, and that's the reason why they are no longer comfortable with human hands (unless they are abused, which isn't the case here). The good news is that if he was hand-raised as a baby, then if you start spending a block of time with him daily and commit to it, he'll soon once again be comfortable with human hands, and he'll remember that they are safe and actually pleasurable to him. The fact that he's just lost his bird mate allows you to step into that place of being his bonded mate, if you want to be. Cockatiels seem to be okay with regular work hours, as long as they have lots of toys to entertain them while you're gone (since his mate died you'll want to make sure he has plenty of toys in his cage or wherever he is most of the day anyway) they are typically alright with bonding to a human that isn't with them 24-7. I've found it to be pretty true that most pet birds, regardless of species, bond closely to one mate only, whether it be a human, another bird, their reflection in a mirror, or a specific toy or object. Once they bond with a mate all other birds and people are usually tolerated and sometimes even well loved, but not closely. I have a Quaker and a green cheek, both males going on a year old, that are pretty closely bonded. I never thought they would bond like they have, I just wanted them to get along. That being said, they still want their own cages, especially the Quaker, and they both still love me and I have no problems handling, cuddling, etc. with either of them. I think if they were both the same species or were opposite sexes this might be different, but the best way to describe it is that they are both independent birds that look after one another, they always sit by each other and eat next to each other, and often nap together, like kids that are best friends, but I'm still their mommy. 

Now my cockatiel is a completely different story, she is a female, is about 4 months old, and I've had her now for 2 weeks today. She was hand-raised by her breeder from 3 weeks old. After only a few days I knew she was going to be close to me rather than my other 2 male birds, but I had no idea how close she would be with me. She is completely and absolutely bonded to me like Velcro. She won't leave my shoulder, hand, head, leg, wherever she can attach. If I'm home she better be on me and I better be within sight. When I leave the room she just screams and screams and screams, and I haven't given in to the screams, but my bird-friendly and bird-experienced dog is scared to death of her, lol. She is literally the sweetest little bird I have ever owned, and she wants me to just give her cuddles and scratches all day long. I just cleaned the downstairs of my house and she had to be on my shoulder, back, or head the entire time, wherever she could attach herself while I was moving around. I finally got her to sit on a small tabletop PVC perch that I made her and put in the kitchen for when I'm cooking. The other 2 birds have a larger floor perch in the kitchen, and my 3 English/American budgies have a small tabletop perch of their own their. She was adamant that she was going to be on my shoulder or hand while I was cooking over the stove...uh uh. I'm kind of afraid that she was not properly weaned. We'll see I guess.

Anyway, if you want your cockatiel to bond with you and again want to be handled, now is a great opportunity. I would start with step-up and progress to head scratches and such, whatever he likes, and hopefully this should get him to give up the meaness towards people. If you don't want to bond with him or don't care about being able to handle him again, you'll most likely need to get him another birdy companion because he will automatically want to bond with whomever his primary caregiver is shortly. Even though he's doing better he will still be quite lonely. He'll need at least an hour or two a day from whomever wants to be his new mate, even if that just means sitting on you while you read or watch TV, or getting head scratches while you are relaxing on the couch.

I'm sorry your bird passed away, that's never easy. I lost my long-time female green cheek this past February in an accident, and it devastated me. Good luck!

"Dance Like Nobody's Watching"


----------



## mrfantasticaj (Oct 3, 2016)

Hand reared from young and I had him when he was 3, he's going on 7 or 8 now. 
He's always gone on your hand and shoulder more so following his mate who was extremely sappy and tame. 
The birds cages are always open so they get to fly about alot and he shares the space with his son and his mate. 
He flies to me and my other half a few times a day and tags along with what ever were doing unless I go to the tool box lol. 

He does do his new cry once or twice a day which I've managed to stop by whistling with him. I'm home with the kids so he's got me all the time. 

What's a good way to get close enough to his to stroke him? Tamed a few birds and won the trust of a few others but whenever it comes down to it I can never recall the first steps I took. My other birds if I tap on my shoulder when they are up there they will pop there head down for a stroke but he doesn't lol I know he was a tame and loved bird so knows how nice a stroke is but just gotta win him over.

Baby cockatiels are awesome, the first clutch only had one and being my first baby bird when it come time to take over feeding both the male and his lost mate would feed the chick while I held it. That little thing went everywhere with me lol would sleep in my hand like a cat not a bird and would let you stroke it all over a carbon copy of his mother. 

They called me mad for having four birds lol 
Noise must be awesome when there singing and churping. 

He has been handled more and spends more time with us and away from the other birds so it's quiet as they sometimes like to talk between rooms which is loud lol. 

She was such a tame and soft bird it really does suck. She was would often try to pick my finger up to get attention, failing all the time and just biting me but ever so softly. Only time she got me was when I needed to change the cage as they nested on the cage bottom cause dark boxes seemed too scary no matter how many options were offered lol
I got lots of pictures and videos of her and the others to remember her by. Only shame is my kids are 1 and 2 so they won't remember her and didn't get the chance to fuss her. The other three should be around for a long time to come there all happy chirpy little things  


Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk


----------



## EllenD (Oct 9, 2016)

That must be difficult, remembering how a bird once was and seeing how she is now. I'd be very frustrated. Like I said, I believe that if the bird was once that way it's quite possible to get her to be that way again. I've had to deal with this during "hormonal fever", lol. My Quaker turns into the spawn of Satan for about a month, so I just keep my distance and wait for him to snap out of it (it's like he has been through an exorcism when those hormones wear off, lol). 

I would just keep spending time with the bird, more than usual if possible, and try to get her in little baby steps to allow you to touch her. When taming birds (budgies especially) I've found that if I stop what I'm doing to them BEFORE they get tired of it or even just before they react to it, then reward them, it works very well. For instance, once I get a budgie to step up and he's comfortable on my hand, the next thing I want to be able to do is give him head scratches (I also went through this with my male green cheek, Bowie, after he hit puberty, and it worked like a charm). So I'll start scratching his head, maybe just one quick stroke with my finger only, knowing that he's going to want to nip me. So I'll do this once while saying "Bowie Wants Scritches" and I'll then stop after one stroke before he does anything. Then I reward him with his favorite treat, a sunflower seed, while saying "Good Bird, Bowie Likes Scritches"...then the next time I'll do two strokes, and so on. Eventually the bird not only knows he's being good and going to get a treat, but more importantly he realizes he likes getting his head scratched...Bowie now jumps on my hand, lowers his head, and puts his beak against my cheek, chest, or whatever is there to support his head so he can get scritches. He squawks at me when I stop, lol.

"Dance Like Nobody's Watching"


----------



## CaliTiels (Oct 18, 2012)

Like everybody said, just give him some time. When I lost Beaker, me and Jaid were so shocked. He screamed for him for a couple of days. In that time, he was much more clingy to me. Whatever you can do to offer him comfort, I'd do it


----------



## tielbob (Mar 25, 2013)

So sorry for your loss..the suggestions from everyone sound good. Try to spend more time with the other one to comfort him if you can.


----------

