# Help me help him...



## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

Hi everyone, I am in desperate need for help and advice. 

I have a 7.5 month old cockatiel, who I think is male but I am yet uncertain. I have had him for four months and he is my first cockatiel. 

When we got cheeky he was a friendly, happy go lucky bird who loved all our family. He spent a lot of time with hubby and myself and was happy to split his attention. Gradually however he became less and less happy to go to my husband and started clinging to me all the time. We are now in a situation that he bites (or at least threatens it) my husband and son any time they go near him, and I can not move for him. As a result both husband and son have given up and dislike him. When he is out his cage he expects my full undevided attention, if i dare to try check an email/text etc then he starts getting annoyed and biting me. he won't get off me even long enough for me to go to the toilet alone and he screams like crazy any time I leave the room. As mentioned, despite clearly being attached to me he also turns on me and bites with very little or no warning as he did today, drawing blood for the first time (very sore finger now). He's bitten me in face and even got hubby's eye lid. 

The screaming a big issue also as we have an elderly woman above us and elder man next door, and I know I can hear him screaming when I'm outside at the car so they must be able to hear him. 

I have tried hormone reduction by covering him and ensuring 12 hours darkness at night, putting him in his cage when he bites (although even this is becoming a battle), and completely ignoring his screaming (which is very difficult). I have established a flock call (wolf whistle) which I use if he's just calling for me (different to the screaming we get) to reassure him I'm there, and he's now even wolf whistling back, but none of this is helping with his aggressive, highly demanding behaviour. 

His cage is a reasonable size (I will get dimensions for you soon) and he's got lots of toys. He gets out and hour in the morning and 2-3 in the evening (we have dogs and a child so this is the most I can devote) but I'm not going to lie, his behaviour lately has seen this reduced some times because its so stressful to have him out. 

Also on a side note. I also have a bugie and bought cheeky with the understanding that they may not be able to mix as budgies tend to bully the much more "laid back tiel".... Well cheeky (the tiel) attacks the budgie if we bring them out the same time. Completely unprovoked and will chase him to try bite him (usually toes). Obviously we have 100% given up trying to integrate them for the safety of the budgie, but I am trying to demonstrate the nature of cheeky. 

I am really at my wits end with him at the moment and hubby is getting to a point he wants to rehome. I am sad to say that if we can't resolve these issues then I may be forced to consider that, but I want to give him as fair a shot as I can, hence I am here! 

Please help.


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## dianne (Nov 27, 2013)

I am sure more experienced cockatiel parents will have suggestions for you. However, you might benefit by looking at the Youtube video, "Building Trust with your Bird." This covers training in a situation where a bird will only allow one person to touch him.


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## CaliTiels (Oct 18, 2012)

He could also be hormonal. He is past his 1st molt, so hormones should be kicking in by now. I'm on my cell right now, so I can't give you the link, but if you look at our sticky library, there is a sticky on hormone control. Try that out on him. And also, it's not uncommon for birds to pick a favorite, but he does sound hormonal, so I would try it out


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

Yep he had a small moult about a month ago, few wee pinnies, nothing major. If this is classed as his first moult then cheeky is female as still has bars on his/her tail!! 

I will go have a look at both of those thank you.


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## CaliTiels (Oct 18, 2012)

It could also depend on any possible splits he has though. Remaining bars doesn't automatically mean hen. Pictures would help identify if you really want to know


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

No problem. I will get pictures as soon as I can. Heading out shortly but will try get pictures up tonight.


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## sunnysmom (Sep 23, 2011)

When my tiel went through a really hormonal stage and was attacking my fiancé, in addition to the long night treatments, I bought a product called Herb Salad. It can be bought at various places, but I got mine at mysafebirdstore.com. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not but 1-2 days after I started giving it to him, he calmed down a lot. Also, I'm my tiel's favorite person. To get him to bond more with my fiancé, I had him become more involved in my tiel's care. Changing his water, giving him millet, letting him take my tiel out of his cage in the morning, encouraging him to take my tiel out when I wasn't home, etc. It helped. I'm still Sunny's favorite but my fiancé and Sunny are now friends.


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

Here a picture taken about a week ago.will get better ones of his tail later.


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

That's going to be an issue. My husband agreed to cheeky on the understand he was bird and I took on all his care. Despite saying this he began to really enjoy soending time with cheeky but now he doesn't want anything to do with him. He's often tried bringing him out when I am not around only to be bitten. My husband an son both have autism and so they struggle with things like this. He has a very low tolerance for being "attacked for not reason" as he sees it.


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## CaliTiels (Oct 18, 2012)

Hmm, I see. Well, maybe you can slowly try to encourage them to do at least one small job, like changing food, or giving him his treats. Only once a day, and not to take it personally if he isn't too kind. I too, am under special education at my school, so I am around this stuff a lot. It's all about reasoning and trying to get them to understand


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

Lougirl said:


> Hmm, I see. Well, maybe you can slowly try to encourage them to do at least one small job, like changing food, or giving him his treats. Only once a day, and not to take it personally if he isn't too kind. I too, am under special education at my school, so I am around this stuff a lot. It's all about reasoning and trying to get them to understand


It is definitely something I will work on. I will try and see if my husband will give (put it in his cage if I prepare) him his veg. millet etc. although cheeky is never overly fussed by millet. 

My son will be much easier to bring round, hes a real animal lover and also finds empathy and understanding others much easier if its explained to him. My husband unfortunately struggles most in the area of empathy and understand others behaviors so he will struggle with this more i think, but we can but try. 

What is the best ways for me to help cheeky detach himself from me a little? His attachment to me isnt healthy and I hate the thought of him fretting when I leave him.


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## Lisa2701 (Oct 6, 2013)

I read an article that suggests his behavior stems from the fact he see's me as his mate and that his aggression towards me is because in his eyes I am not responding to him in an appropriate manner. all the advice was similar, hormone reduction methods, having others take over the care etc. 

whats your thoughts on this?


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## sunnysmom (Sep 23, 2011)

Something that I had to work with for my fiancé too was helping him understand that my tiel wasn't a "dog". Tiels don't understand dominance, etc. In the wild, there is no "leader of the pack" like in the dog world. Also, in the wild, tiels don't attack each other. They may give warnings to back off but they respect each others space so to speak. Other than when my tiel was super hormonal, I told my fiancé if Sunny attacked him it was because he wasn't reading Sunny's warning signs. Having my fiancé understand tiel psychology a bit helped him make progress with Sunny too.


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## R0MPaige (Dec 11, 2013)

I am not an expert, I am just learning and researching the ropes myself. But he's playing boss and you need to stop it. I'm teaching myself ways to react when my cockatiel acts out. He is untamed at the moment, just the other day I learnt that when cockatiels bite... they don't really hurt that much.. I know they could shed blood if they bite really hard! but they wont send you to the hopsital. Maybe if you're scared you can use a glove, because that is how cockatiels get there way! with their bite. So if your husband puts is hand calmly in front of the cockatiel let him bite and freak out, this will tell the cockatiel "I am not here to hurt you and you can't control me with biting" Wait until he is calmed down and move your hand away, he needs to get the full message. I've been doing this with my untamed cockatiel twice and I see a difference. I got him not long ago from a home that made him angry with people. As for the screaming, I've read that when a cockatiels scream ignore them, don't look at them or anything. If he doesn't, stop walk out of the room. Wait until he's quiet or happily chirping to come back in and tell him what a good bird he is. This will take time. Just be patient.


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## R0MPaige (Dec 11, 2013)

Birds can be dominant, this develops a pecking order within the flock. Birds most definitely do attack people if they don't like that person for whatever reason. Birds have the ability to realize that if they scream they get attention, if they bite they get the people they don't want around away. This will could give that bird dominance over people in the house if the people in the house let the bird.


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## sunnysmom (Sep 23, 2011)

R0MPaige said:


> Birds can be dominant, this develops a pecking order within the flock. Birds most definitely do attack people if they don't like that person for whatever reason. Birds have the ability to realize that if they scream they get attention, if they bite they get the people they don't want around away. This will could give that bird dominance over people in the house if the people in the house let the bird.



I respectfully disagree. Please see this article: http://www.littlefeatheredbuddies.com/info/gen-psychology.html


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## bjknight93 (Nov 13, 2011)

I think R0MPaige may be a troll. Either that, or they just have terrible resources. Do not listen to that information or you'll end up with an underconfident bird who will be in a manic state anytime whoever it is that treats him that way is around. 

Treats and respect is the best way to get along with a bird that does not like your attention. Ask my people-hating Taz.


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## eduardo (Jan 27, 2012)

sunnysmom said:


> I respectfully disagree. Please see this article: http://www.littlefeatheredbuddies.com/info/gen-psychology.html


Excellent article, Sunnysmom!


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## caterpillar (Oct 14, 2013)

sunnysmom said:


> I respectfully disagree. Please see this article: http://www.littlefeatheredbuddies.com/info/gen-psychology.html


Well, there ARE bird species that operate in social groups with "pecking orders," but they aren't the ones that people keep as pets.

I don't think it's a question of dominance or "pecking order" behavior when a bird builds a gradual bond to one human while ignoring or getting aggressive toward all others. (Cats can be like this too -- you'll know this if you have ever seen the hilarious reality show "My Cat From ****" it's full of instances of relationships that are on the brink of failure because one partner has a cat who viciously hates the other partner!) 

I also don't think it's a "dominant one in the flock" situation when a bird realizes it can get what it wants by screaming and acting up -- I'm not a zoologist but I think this is something that an animal (regardless of species) develops when it is tamed. If you let a cockatiel bite you incessantly to teach it a lesson that it won't get what it wants (e.g. you going away) by biting you, I don't think that's making any positive progress.

Another recent thread had some great advice: If you have a bird that "likes" you but hates your family members, have them start from the beginning re: building trust and a bond. I do think it's important to acknowledge that birds are complex animals who can still have "favorites" and that there's no guarantee that they will eventually bond with everybody.


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