# New bird not bonding, and Im getting discouraged....



## katashatzu (Feb 18, 2011)

Hello there. I just happened across these forums, and hopefully can get this issue solved. This is not my first bird, though I haven't had them in several years. We got a new Tiel in January from a breeder, thinking this would be a better idea than getting one from Petco, since it would have had more interaction with humans. We drove a few hours to pick out the bird. And at the rate its going now, I wish I would have gotten the one from Petco 5 minutes away from my house. 

I have been working with the Tiel daily, talking to him, hanging out by his cage, trying to give him millet by hand, trying to hold him... and all I can get in return is biting. And Im not talking little nips, he bites hard, and draws blood. Im getting rather worn out because I feel like Im not getting anywhere with him. My last Tiels were awesome from day one, they loved to come out, and not once did they bite me. 

I don't know what else I can do. I'm at the point where I don't want to even try anymore because I'm so fricken tired of being bitten. If I put oven mitts on or anything, he just freaks out even more, and has broken a feather once from it, so I didn't do it again. 

The times I can manage to get him out, he flies away, and usually runs into a wall. His wings are clipped, but that doesnt stop him from taking off. And once I pick him back up, he'll fly directly back to his cage. 

I am just at a loss as to what I should do next. I wanted a bird that we could hold, and have around with us in the house. So far, that is not the case... Ughhh

Please help, if you can. I need some advice... -Dennis


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## FredKreuger (Jan 12, 2011)

Dont worry, be patient with him. A long time ago, I had a bird just like that. His name was Flake and it seemed like he hated me. It took me almost a year to get him to accept me and be my buddy. After that he just could NOT get enough of me. He would sit on my shoulder wherever I went and would always rub his head on my neck because he wanted me to scratch his head. He would sing his heart out whenever he heard me coming through the door and he would always jump on me and climb up my arm as fast as he could, and then start chewing on my earring, or chirping in my ear. Unfortunately, he still bit incredibly hard, just less often, mostly because I learned what he disliked (he was a rescue birdy so he came from a bad place). 
Just be sure to spend time with him everyday, talk to him, offer him millet (birds can almost never resist this), and let him settle in. It'll probably take him maybe a month or two to settle in. DON'T force him into anything or grab him because he will HATE that and will become even more scared of you. Just be gentle, and take it slow. If you really want him to be your friend, you must win him over with kindness. He will surely warm up to you, but it may take a little while. Please don't be discouraged, he is probably in a dark place right now because he has no idea whats happening to him. Don't give up and good luck with your little birdy. 
P.S. Don't pull back when he bites you, he'll just take that as him being able to 'control' you or scare you away (I actually grew callouses on my finger because Flake bit me so much and made so many little holes in me, but it was worth it to have his friendship in the end)


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## RaveMoon (Sep 9, 2010)

It sounds like you might need to go a little slower with your bird. It can be SO tempting (especially if you had tame birds before) to try to get them out quickly so that you can start really interacting with them. Unfortunately, you need to move at THEIR pace. 

If your bird is freaking out when you open the cage door, start by keeping the door closed and just putting your hand up to the bars. Then after it's totally comfortable with that, just open the door and put your hand right there. Always end on a positive note. Such as, when the bird finally feels comfortable and relaxes when you have your hand next to the bars. 

Just slow down, don't get frustrated.


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## lperry82 (Aug 2, 2010)

Hello and welcome you can try this video which i got results straight away with my lucky
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTiYpobrG8Q


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

He's not biting you to be mean or nasty or because he hates you...he's biting because its the only way he can say NO. They can't talk or communicate in any other way so when he bites he's letting you know he's not ready to do that yet and to just slow down. Make sure to drop some millet in his food cup and let him see you do it. When you got him from the breeder were you told this was a hand tame baby? If not, then what you got was a parent raised bird who isn't used to hands. Just because you get a bird from a breeder doesn't mean it'll be any tamer than a bird from the pet store.


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## katashatzu (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks for the replies everyone. I know hes not being mean, and that he doesn't hate me. I understand that hes scared. I guess I cam moving too fast, and will take it slower. Thank you for the video with the clicker, I will give that a try. I was told he was hand fed yes. The breeder hasnt been much of a help at all, needless to say, I wont be going there again. 

The first week was the worst, for a few days, he didnt eat at all. I had millet all over the cage, along with food cups. He finally started eating pellets, but thats all he would eat. Ive managed now to get him back to eating seeds, and I mix some pellets in, since he seems to like them. He really doesnt go crazy over the millet like my last Tiels did.

On another note... While trying to get him to bond, are there other things I shouldnt do? I have a mirror in the cage, and someone told me I shouldnt. Is that true? I dont want to make this harder than it already is... 

-Dennis


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

Problem with the mirror is that he'll think its another tiel, his mate, and will become very aggressive towards you over it since he's by himself. But if it makes him comfortable and all he does is scream when you remove it then its fine to leave it. Basically the choice to have a mirror is based upon the personality of each tiel. Good luck with your little guy!


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## Larakat (Feb 23, 2011)

Hi Dennis.
Allow me to throw in my 3 cents. (and considering some of the far more experienced owners here, please take my words at that value, unless it works, then I'm a genius!  )

Stop trying to interact physically. It's his turn to earn your trust. Continue the daily through the bars visits. Eat food and drink next to his cage. Act like it's the best food and drink you've ever had. Make him earn his way. Do not try to take him out. Do not let him out. He now has to earn YOUR trust. 

I would go so far as to create a bit of a show with another tiel, and let him see what it looks like to enjoy your company. These little birds are smart and aware. Very aware.

They want a flock, and they desire our company it's true. He obviously came to you with experiences and rules that were very much a free for all.

Time to be a dad. Calm, patient, assertive and loving. In that order.

He can't come out until he comes to the side of the cage to engage with joy.
Then I'd open the door, and wait for him to come out. If he jumps and fly falls, use the stepup command and consistently get him on your hand. It may be a thousand step ups, but when he's tired, he'll stop. lolz

They are very smart 4 year olds.

Hope something in there helped.

Kathy


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## Chez (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Dennis,

How are you progressing with your new bird?

Cheers,

Cheryl


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## lordsnipe (Nov 11, 2010)

My four cents:

Bonding is different from taming. Birds can be bonded to humans (or birds) but not necessarily be nice to each other. My two birds are bonded but are semi hostile towards one another. Separate them though and it's a screaming match. That's a bond between each other. The same two birds go bananas when they hear the front door unlock and the door chime go off. They know I've come home. That's a bond with me.

Taming is a different story, and is what you're trying to do with your tiel, and it seems like you're going too fast. I bought one of my birds (aptly named Nibbler) untame and spent the next month gaining his trust. I took it at his pace and once he got comfortable with what I was doing, I would try and push the boundaries. This is what I did:

1) Hand fed seeds using my finger tips. This then went on to eating seeds from the palm of my hand.
2) When I was not feeding him, I would read a book to him. Doesn't matter what is read, as long as it's read in a calm manner. Eventually, he would climb over to the perch closest to me whilst I was reading (I tested this by moving around and he would climb about). When he did this, I put my hand flat against the side of his cage where he was, and held it there whilst reading. He was scared at first but eventually realised my hand was fine.
3) He was still afraid of stepping up, so I used a perch which he was more comfortable with. I eventually got him out of the cage using a perch. Eventually, the perch got shorter and shorter (moved my hand up the perch) till he was on my fingers.

I'm no expert but thats how I turned my boy around. If you read my other posts, I now have issues as it appears he prefers his new buddy, and is aggressive whenever she is around. But he is still a cuddly buddy when he's out and about by himself.

Hope this helps.


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## pknight1120 (Feb 9, 2011)

lordsnipe said:


> My four cents:
> 
> Bonding is different from taming. Birds can be bonded to humans (or birds) but not necessarily be nice to each other. My two birds are bonded but are semi hostile towards one another. Separate them though and it's a screaming match. That's a bond between each other. The same two birds go bananas when they hear the front door unlock and the door chime go off. They know I've come home. That's a bond with me.
> 
> ...


Just curious, approximately how long did it take you from the time you first started the process til the time you could get him to step up on your hand? I am not familiar with birds that are not hand-raised.


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## pache11 (Jan 12, 2011)

#1 Remove the mirror! He knows his reflection is safe and will bond to it more then you.

#2 Keep the interactions positive and short in the beginning.

#3 Make yourself interesting to your bird. Talk to him, read, whistle and perform your daily duties while in front of him. He will form an interest.

#4 Don't grab or use negative reinforcement(punishment). Work on the bond first and foremost.

#5 Work in a neutral room without his cage in view and where he can't run away. I like the bathroom, little distractions and no place to run away to. I don't force interaction here and the bird usually will settle down away from its percieved territory. I like to put them on the floor, they are usually more insecure here and look for something familiar.

#6 Work on hand feeding him. Do this after it is no longer running away.

#7 He may never like being petted/scratched. It can be troubling, but some tiels don't like to be touched. They will step and perch with training. 

#8 Bonding is sometimes like lightning. All of a sudden your bird will look at you and make the connection. I had a parent raised parakeet that was untame and scared, after working fustrated for over 2 weeks she suddenly puffed up like a cotton ball and wanted to be scritched.

#9 Patience, Patience, Patience

#10 Make sure the wings are clipped enough to prevent flight. Tiels are great fliers and have to have the wings clipped pretty aggressively to keep them from flight. Even then a breeze can give them enough lift to fly.

#11 Positive attitude. Keep positive, our birds feed of our emotions.

#12 2nd set of eyes, sometimes a friend can help and solve a problem in minutes that I have been working on for weeks or months.


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## lordsnipe (Nov 11, 2010)

pknight1120 said:


> Just curious, approximately how long did it take you from the time you first started the process til the time you could get him to step up on your hand? I am not familiar with birds that are not hand-raised.


About 3-4 weeks .. two sessions (of about half an hour) a day of "hand trust building" exercises such as eating seed from hands or perch training. I did this before I left for work and when I came home from work. The reading sessions were on top of the two sessions a day, so I would read to him for another 30 mins - 1 hour on top every few days.

But every bird is different. Younger birds are more trusting and adventurous, whereas older birds can be very scared and set in their ways. I estimate Nibbler to be 6-9 months when I got him.


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## katashatzu (Feb 18, 2011)

Hello there. Sorry I havent replied sooner to everyone.

I took the advice that was given to me, I didnt try to pull him out, I just hung out around his cage, talked to him, went about my business while still interacting with him. He does seem to like that. His cage is right by the dinner table, and he likes it while were eating there. 

However, things are pretty much the same as when I first posted this. He is still biting at me if I try to put my hand anywhere near him. Hes eaten millet from my hand, but and regular seeds he just bites me. 

He doesnt act like he should either. He doesnt play with his toys at all. Just sits there fluffed up. He hardly moves around, just hangs out in the same spots. He moves to eat and drink. He wont eat any treats we try to give him, even millet is hard to get him to eat. The only time he makes any noise, is when hes screaming.

What am I doing wrong.... 

Ugggghhhhhh


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

Is he fluffed up all the time? If so this could be an indication of an illness and he may need to see the vet.


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## katashatzu (Feb 18, 2011)

Not all the time, no.


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