# My Tiel won't let me pet him.



## Bagheera

Hello everyone! I am a new Cockatiel owner! I got Tiki about a month ago from a pet store just north of Atlanta and he is very good at stepping up on our fingers, letting us walk around with him and absolutely loves to be on our shoulders, but he absolutely will NOT let us touch him. He either hisses or squawks and opens his beak in a warning that if we keep it up he will bite. Sometimes he does this when we try to get him to step up on our fingers. We aren't sure if he is doing it because he thinks we are trying to touch him or if he just doesn't want to step up on our fingers at that point in time. 

He is out of his cage most of the day and enjoys either being on our shoulders, walking around on the floor, couch, bed or chilling out on his perch in the sunny window. We even sometimes take him with us outside to play in the grass or just sit on our shoulders and listen to the wild birds.

I really want to be able to pet him and cuddle with him and kiss his beak and stuff but he just won't let me. Have I just not had him long enough for him to be that comfortable with me or is there something else I can do?

The second day we had him my 6 yr old ran past me while I had Tiki on my finger as I was walking him back to his perch and the way my son was flailing his arms as he ran past us scared the poor bird and he spun around on my finger and snapped his two tail feathers off and blood everywhere, I had to wrap him in a tail and put quick stop on the parts that was bleeding then when my husband came home we had to hold him with a towel again and I had to pluck out the shafts of the broken feathers because he wouldn't stop picking at them and kept making them bleed. He's also broken a blood feather on the middle of his wing below where the pet store clipped them and I again had to hold him in a towel and put quick stop on it.

He seems to like us ok and even acts as if he is choosing me as his favorite person, he's jumped off his perch twice and fluttered to my shoulder when I was standing close to his perch and he hasn't done that with anyone else. I am a stay at home mom and I am by myself for most of the day while my husband is at work and my kid is in school. So for the most part it is just me and the bird.

Do any of you have any advice for me? Please help?


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## Bagheera

OMG! He just let me rub my cheek against his wing for a real long time when he was on my shoulder!


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## Darkel777

Bagheera said:


> Hello everyone! I am a new Cockatiel owner! I got Tiki about a month ago from a pet store just north of Atlanta and he is very good at stepping up on our fingers, letting us walk around with him and absolutely loves to be on our shoulders, but he absolutely will NOT let us touch him. He either hisses or squawks and opens his beak in a warning that if we keep it up he will bite. Sometimes he does this when we try to get him to step up on our fingers. We aren't sure if he is doing it because he thinks we are trying to touch him or if he just doesn't want to step up on our fingers at that point in time.
> 
> He is out of his cage most of the day and enjoys either being on our shoulders, walking around on the floor, couch, bed or chilling out on his perch in the sunny window. We even sometimes take him with us outside to play in the grass or just sit on our shoulders and listen to the wild birds.
> 
> I really want to be able to pet him and cuddle with him and kiss his beak and stuff but he just won't let me. Have I just not had him long enough for him to be that comfortable with me or is there something else I can do?
> 
> The second day we had him my 6 yr old ran past me while I had Tiki on my finger as I was walking him back to his perch and the way my son was flailing his arms as he ran past us scared the poor bird and he spun around on my finger and snapped his two tail feathers off and blood everywhere, I had to wrap him in a tail and put quick stop on the parts that was bleeding then when my husband came home we had to hold him with a towel again and I had to pluck out the shafts of the broken feathers because he wouldn't stop picking at them and kept making them bleed. He's also broken a blood feather on the middle of his wing below where the pet store clipped them and I again had to hold him in a towel and put quick stop on it.
> 
> He seems to like us ok and even acts as if he is choosing me as his favorite person, he's jumped off his perch twice and fluttered to my shoulder when I was standing close to his perch and he hasn't done that with anyone else. I am a stay at home mom and I am by myself for most of the day while my husband is at work and my kid is in school. So for the most part it is just me and the bird.
> 
> Do any of you have any advice for me? Please help?


Petting is kind of a trust thing, there are cockatiels I never dreamed of letting me pet them that do it now. Continue to offer but I would not force it on the bird if you know that it is uncomfortable with it. There are some I own that I cannot pet.

About taking him outside, use a harness like the aviator. Even a well clipped bird can fly and get away from you. Clipping is to reduce damage from hitting walls, it doesn't eliminate flight completely.

If he flies to you a lot he may very well have chosen you. These birds tend to favor a single person. Other people can bribe them for their love sure, but they tend to be a person's pet not a people's pet.


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## TamaMoo

When Joey first came to live with us, he loved belly rubs. One day that all just stopped. The only thing I can figure is I startled him by moving in too quickly one day. I have been trying, on his terms, since then. I have spent quite a bit of time with my hand near him while talking to him, then one finger near him while talking to him. He looked at my hand warily for a while, then accepted it being there, but each time I did it, I talked in soothing tones, explaining it was just mommy's hand and mommy would never hurt him. Last night, he not only let me rub his belly, but when I started to move away after a few seconds, he moved so his belly was back on my finger. I figured I would have to ease back into how long I could rub his belly. I am still going to take it slow and on his terms until he is comfortable again.

I believe when they are startled they associate it with what is happening at the time, much as humans have been known to do.


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## Scribbles

Congratulations on your bird! I'm sure in time Tiki will settle in with you all. Sounds like progress is being made anyway. Very exciting having a bird isn't it!!


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## Bagheera

OMG! I love him even though he can be very cranky sometimes. I put him to bed at sundown because he gets real cranky and at night I find that I begin to miss holding him and playing with him. I spend all day playing with him so when he is sleeping I feel lonely.


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## Peetenomax

I haven't posted an update on Dexter lately. But he used to be the same way.
He actually has started to ask me for head rubs. It's still a bit awkward with him. Sometime he's a bit freaked out over it.

Rub my head. Oh that's good. Awrk! That's your fingers! Get away.
Rub my head. Oh that's good. Awrk! That's your fingers! Get away.
Rub my head. Oh that's good. Awrk! That's your fingers! Get away. 

He's a silly bird.

Anyway we went from no touching to allowing me to kiss his head. 
Then it was head massages using my lips & chin. Still no touching.
More massages & I slowly introduced a finger next to my mouth. This is where we stalled. Slowly I made progress & I could give head rubs but only when he was on my shoulder. It was a tough thing to do. I developed a neck strain doing it. (I also had to be facing him)
Eventually I got tired of it and decided to force the issue a bit. I know most would not recommend doing it, but I decided to make him accept being held in a closed hand. I never hurt him & our sessions stopped when he started to freak a bit. 
Holding him that way I stroked his head a bit. Didn't hold him long & eventually I was able to hold him in an open palm, giving him head rubs. He likes it now.

As I said he's started asking for head rubs. He moves over on my shoulder so I can reach him or when on the desk climbs on my hand. It's his way of asking.

It's happening more frequently now. I may be creating a monster.


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## Bagheera

Thanks! At this point right now though since I have never owned a cockatiel before, I am not really comfortable with forcing anything on him in fear it will make him not like me.


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## Peetenomax

I agree with you not wanting to force yourself on your new buddy. 
SincSinhe's allowing some form or contact I'd work from that. Try moving you kisses from the wing to his head. Etc.
You'll learn his body language soon & should be able figure out how to bond. It is rather amazing how quickly a bond forms once you gain trust.


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## Bagheera

Tiki is being very very very very mean today. The day started out normal, then when my son came home from school I put Tiki on his perch then had to do some things in the other room so I left him there a bit while my son was watching cartoons, I then walk out of the room and my son alerts me to the fact that Tiki is now on the floor walking around. I look down at him and he's snapped another tail feather apparently on the way down and it was hanging so I gently reached over and pulled it as gently as I could because it was just dangling there by a thread. He squawked at me and ever since has been very mean to me. I don't know what to do. I am very discouraged and stressed out by it. I am scared he will never like me enough.


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## dianne

Birds can be moody. It's probably best to back off for a few hours or a day until he gets over it. He just may have been scared when you pulled the feather. It sounds like he likes you, so he will probably be fine tomorrow. 

In general, about your wish to be more affectionate with him, I think you just need to be patient and take it little steps at a time.

I have a cockatiel I got from a pet store in November, and she still won't step up onto my hand and will not let me touch her. I have another cockatiel I got about three weeks ago from a specialty bird shop. He was a baby and was handled regularly. He will step up and likes to perch on my shoulder. He does not yet like me to stroke his head. I think it will come in time. Birds are very different from dogs and cats. I wish my cockatiels would be more affectionate, but they are not mammals and are not really domesticated animals. We need to accept that about them. It takes more time and attention to earn their trust and affection, but I believe it does come.


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## Bagheera

Well Tiki came from a pet store that gets all their birds from breeders that hand feed them and they said the only birds they have that aren't hand fed are the budgies because they are just too tiny and fragile to hand feed. So right from the get go he would step up on our fingers. He has always had no problem with that. He LOVES to be on someone's shoulder, mostly mine since I am the one that is home with him 24/7 but he has a nasty habit of nibbling on the skin on our necks and it hurts. >_<

I managed to talk to my aunt on the phone, she used to own and breed cockatiels and she was able to give me a lot of really great helpful advice, she said that cockatiels can hold grudges and to always make sure that if I do anything with him that he might not like that I wrap him in a towel and cover his face so he can't see who is doing it to him. She also told me that he is about 6 months old and that he is molting.

Tiki is doing MUCH better today, he seems to be over what happened yesterday and is happy with me again. Early this morning I guess he tried to get on one of the ladders in his cage and it toppled over and there was a lot of horrible noises of him falling off it and flapping around and I jumped out of bed to see what happened and make sure he was ok and he came straight to me and seemed really comforted that I was there for him and he calmed down and listened to me soothingly talk to him and tell him he was ok and even let me kiss on his wing. It happened again a few hours later and when I walked over to the cage he went straight to the door begging me to take him out of the cage so I did. I am going to get some wire from my mother-in-law later on and secure the ladder to his perch so it doesn't happen again.

I went to cook my son some soup for lunch and I didn't want to leave him n his perch again and have a repeat of yesterday so I gave him to my son and then I hear "Tiki jumped down!" and I walk back into the living room and Tiki is practically running at me so I bent down and picked him up and put him on my shoulder. I think he has really attached himself to me and the reason why he jumped off the perch yesterday was so he could look for me. I am just going to have to make sure I bring his perch into every room of the house that I moe to so I can keep a close eye on him. Several times today he's opened his wings and tried to flap them like he is going to fly at me so I just pick him up and put him on my shoulder, but he won't stop affectionately nibbling at my shirt collar and neck and he often gets my skin and it hurts. So I have to put him back on his perch. Any suggestions/advice to get him to stop nibbling on my neck?


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