# At my wits end, and ready to give up.



## Alytiel (Nov 10, 2011)

I have owned birds for many years. A few years ago my budgie died of old age, and I was very very bonded with her and it was difficult to let her go. Id had birds before her and have always bonded excellent with them. 

After my budgie died I decided I would get a cockatiel, a bird id always wanted. I live in the south and there really aren't places to get hand raised babies here, so I did have to get my tiel from a petstore. But, I'd gotten all my birds from a petstore previously. 

He wasn't really treated well at the petstore and had a traumatic experience being handled. I know that has to be part of his problem, but it's been almost 3 years now. He pretty much has been only a source of sadness and frustration and fighting between my fiance and I. it's getting to a point where even I am thinking there's no point, but my fiance has been there for months now. So we argue about that. 

He bites. He screeches. He cries. He rarely wants anything to do with you. Recently he's started humping his toys / anything soft, and if you try to remove those things from you he will full on attack you. He's recently started drawing blood and being a diabetic it's not good for me to get injuries like that on my hands. 

He has a very large cage, one more for a parrot. He has many toys which I rotate. Lots of perches. Treats. Fresh food (pellets), fresh water, veggies everyday, I let him out everyday, and he is in my room where we are 95% of the time so he is rarely alone. I am always talking to him etc. But it seem like he still hates us. 

I've tried lowering the amount of time he is awake to try an combat the masturbation and extreme aggression, but as SOON as I uncover him that's the first thin he goes to do. And every te he is uncovered he spreads his wings, hisses and lunges, a get the **** away from me gesture. I've recently switched out his food bowls with new ones because he started masturbating on those and drawing blood anytime I tried to put fresh food in the bowls. Now he is severely attached to the blanket I cover his cage with. if I leave it out while he is out he will just sit on it and if you go within 2ft of it he will lunge at you. if he is out and you move the blanket he will fly after you, attempting to bite you. He IS clipped, so he's putting all his effort into that. 

If I pick any sort of cloth is like a rag, towel, glass cleaner etc he will start getting frantic because he wants to mate with it. and if you don't give it to him he gets aggressive OR starts whining. I have to hide any sort of towels from him. 

Also, he really doesn't even warn before a bite. He just lunges and bites as hard as he can, flapping his wings to hold onto his bite, the only time he warns you to get away is when he is first uncovered for the day. 

Sometimes he will just sit in the cage and whine. Nothing I do will stop this. If I let him out he will sit on the cage and whine. there is nothing in his enviroment causing him distress. It sounds more like he's calling for someone. And if he's not doing this, he's just attacking us or masturbating. 

I have tried the ignore it method, I tried it for several months, and it doesn't dampen ANY of his behaviors. 

My fiancé can't stand him anymore to be honest. I've been bitten so much and so has he, for years now, there's no sign of affection from this bird. i don't want to give up on him so my fiancé an I are spending way to much time fighting over him, and that's not right or something I feel can keep on much longer. 

I don't know what I'm asking for here. I've tried all sorts of advice and nothing has helped. Im so tired and feel like it might be time to let him go to someone else that might be able to help him, but I don't even know who that would be. I've tried for 3 years everything that I know and this is just not what I got this animal for, I wanted a companion and Im very upset at how it's turned out.


----------



## bjknight93 (Nov 13, 2011)

I'm going to direct you to a couple of threads. 

First and foremost, you will need to add some more hormone reduction techniques. In addition to removing the objects he is attached to and masturbates with, you should follow the techniques in the following thread: http://talkcockatiels.com/showthread.php?t=32330

The second thread that will help you is a taming/bonding thread:
http://talkcockatiels.com/showthread.php?t=22073
and our "Mutual Agreement" taming thread:
http://talkcockatiels.com/showthread.php?t=33824.

I know you've had your bird for 3 years, but you should start with square 1 with the taming. Pretend that you've just gotten your bird and start completely over. Try to forget all your reasons for hating him, and please please please be patient with your bird. He is most likely frightened and just needs some reassurance from you, as well as a build up of self-confidence from himself.

Best of luck to you. Let us know if you have more questions.


----------



## Rose (Nov 15, 2012)

*i*

*I admire you for hanging in so long with this. I know you feel bad, but still I respect your acknowledgement that you're in over your head and that you're reaching out. *

*What to do next? I have no idea. I'm hoping more experienced people will step in to offer concrete suggestions. It sounds to me that you've had it with this bird. *

*I would think about re-homing because the longer this drags out, the more negative your cockatiel experience will beome. *

*I'm sending good energy your way and you have my support. Try not to blame yourself, okay?*


----------



## Alytiel (Nov 10, 2011)

He IS tame, though. In the sense that he has know how to step up since the 3rd week or so tat I had him, and he does it, even though he usually doesn't want to (attacks the stick or your finger), if he is out and gets stuck he will allow you to help him. Before he got into masturbating he would even allow/request head scratching every now and then. I know he is capable of being sweet and good, but the last year or so he's just becoming unbearable. 

I've tried ALL of those suggestions for taming his hormones, and it hasn't made a dent. I've completely redone his cage several times. I've limited his food. I've moved his cage. I've kept him asleep, and like I said even after 18hrs of darkness and quiet as soon as I wake him up he goes to masturbate something. If I've taken everything away that he usually goes to he will attack my hand and jump onto it and immediately start trying to jump it when I go to put his food in. his hormones seem beyond RAGING and I'm sure that's the issue but it's been going on for so long an I can't seem to stop them ! I mean it's the weirdest thing seeing him be so extremely aggressive while trying to hump my hand at the same time (biting and hissing and wing flapping while also rubbing his vent and puffing up and chirping all at once)


----------



## moonchild (Jul 29, 2012)

Have you considered hormone injections? I know it may seem like an extreme measure, but perhaps he has an imbalance...it may be worth discussing it with an avian vet as a last resort. Basically, the way it works is that it spikes the bird's hormone levels, which sends a signal to the body to stop producing more. Since all normal hormone reduction techniques have failed, you don't have too many other options. And since he used to be sweet before he turned into a hormone beast, I think this is definitely not a question of him hating you or being a mean guy. He is probably just very frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with his hormones.


----------



## anthrogirl80 (Jun 2, 2012)

I read on my vets FB page that there is something they might be able to do to help with hormonal birds. If you have an avian vet, you might do well to talk to them and see what can be done to help out.

This may be your only option if you have tried all the other hormone reducing techniques.


----------



## anthrogirl80 (Jun 2, 2012)

Lol Thankyou echolalia! We posted at the same time


----------



## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

If the long nights treatment isn't working you need to try something that is going to totally shake him up. Part of the biting issue that you're having is he's extremely hormonal and sees you as a threat to his "mates". Is there a room where you can put him at night that you can leave the lights on? 24 hours of light will definitely throw him off. Also try a night cage for this and don't cover the cage since that seems to add to the issue. 

Along with this, start over with taming. He's tame, but not very sweet and that just could be his disposition. Not every bird is sweet and cuddly.


----------



## Amyy (Apr 23, 2011)

my first tiel was like that....and i thought something was wrong with my methods ...
he absolutely hated everything and everyone...he looked happier in his cage and the other tiels...so i got him a mate who turned out to be a male (i found that out recently)
...but after a few months,he became sweet...and we had him for 2 years until recently in june,he was stolen by the maid...i miss him so much!


----------



## flippityjib (Dec 13, 2012)

Oh my gosh Amyy! Your maid stole your bird? do you know what she did with him? That's awful...


----------



## Rose (Nov 15, 2012)

omg! That's bizarre!


----------



## Amyy (Apr 23, 2011)

she mustve sold them...
maids here are unreliable...its very difficult to find reliable maids in the city...
i had a maid a few years back who tried to sell a few budgies and told us that she caught them in the wild....as fart as i know,budgies are found in the wild only in australia and ive never seen budgies in the wild in my country whenevr i went to visit the tourist attractions...
its kinda common here for maids to steal stuff and keep them or steal birds and sell them...the male which i had was a lutino and the rest of them were normal greys...she stole the lutino and his lutino chick...
she comes in the mornings...real early like 6am...and i had changed my gym timings to the morning time..so i used to go in the mornings and leave my door unlocked...(i always lock my door when im in my room...so the maid never really saw my room before this) while everybody at home gets up by 11am at my home because my parents are doctors and they have their own clinics and they go there in the afternoon and come back home late...
anyway..i had gone away to my gym and the only person awake at home was this maid...when i came back after an hour,my lutino and his chick were missing...i was so angry!


----------



## Alytiel (Nov 10, 2011)

So today I left him covered up much longer than usual and also withheld food for a few hours longer than he usually eats. He wasn't aggressive during this, but he WAS very whiny. After I "woke" him up (he wasn't really sleeping past his usual time, though), I waited about an hour before feeding him - he was whining the whole time, and anytime I got up to leave or just walk across the room he would get very frantic and whine in a really high-pitch, fast chirp. 

But the good news is that after he quieted down a bit I gave him his food (and less than usual), and after he ate he was much nicer today than he's been in a long time. He didn't attack my hands but waited patiently while I put his food in, and he let me scratch his head before taking my hand out. After he ate, he was playing with his toys and preening. He's let me/encouraged me to give him scratches several times today (Everytime I look at him, or say his name, he runs over to "my side" of the cage and looks at me like he wants me to scratch him). I gave him a small sprig of millet, and he hasn't tried to mate with anything today. 

So..today was the first good day in a long time! I'm very happy! I don't know if it was leaving him covered, as I've done that numerous times, or the food thing, or a combination...or just a good day, but seeing him like *this* is so much happier than the aggressive, biting, hissing tiel he's been for the past months straight.


----------



## Rose (Nov 15, 2012)

I'm so glad to hear this!


----------



## xNx (Jun 6, 2012)

What great progress, if your cockatiel is like this then i'm sure mines can get better. Mines is terrified of hands.


----------



## JennyLynn (Feb 13, 2012)

glad to hear you are making progress


----------



## stevechurch2222 (Sep 25, 2011)

So glad he is making progress,keep up the good work.


----------



## Gromit99squi (Dec 22, 2012)

So glad that your 'teil has calmed down. Hope it stays like that


----------



## enigma731 (Aug 12, 2011)

Gromit99squi said:


> By the sounds of it your 'teil just wants a mate. If you do get him a mate and you don't put in any nest boxes your new 'teil shouldnt start laying eggs and your aggresive 'teil should calm down.
> 
> Hope I help!


I really don't think it's a good idea to recommend a second bird when Alytiel is feeling overwhelmed with one bird. It's also not fair to the other bird if the sole purpose of getting her is to solve behavioral problems. There are plenty of ways to reduce hormonal aggression without bringing another bird into the equation.


----------

