# Should I seperate my tiel from my partner?



## Nika (Nov 9, 2010)

Morning All. First of all I'm so, so really sorry for boring you with this since I joined the forum. As I've mentioned (I know, many :blush: times before) my partner got me a tiel, but my tiel obviously didn't understand she was supposed to be my pet and adores my fiance instead. I've been trying everything and I spend much more time with her than my partner, still Cuddy is all over him. He does absolutely nothing, he just IS there and she won't leave him for a minute. When I'm with her, she'll hiss at me half of the time i want her to step up, when she does perch on my finger, she normally flies off very quickly after stepping up and flies to the top of her cage 9or canaries cage) where she LOVES TO sit. When Chris is pottering around, she would fly from the cage to him and will stay on his head/ shoulder forever he's there.

As I mentioned- he doesn't bother with bonding- she JUST BONDED with him, without him trying.
When it comes to me- she tolerates me and that would be about that.

This morning i thought of asking Chris not to pet her or spend time with her, but half of me is thinking if I'm not just being a cruel, jeleous B$&*tch :wacko: for asking that?

What do you think? i'm quite at my wits end here.


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## jc119007 (Dec 28, 2009)

Hi there,
I know exactly how you feel- my boyfriend offered to buy me a cockatiel for valentine's day and i was really excited about having a bird (again). I even went and picked her up late afternoon/evening but by the time I got home of course it was late so I really couldn't spend much time with her. I knew that the first few days she needed to settle in and take things slowly, so I told my bf not to take her out of her cage the next day (it was his day off) but just to speak quietly to her and go about his routine as usual so that she could get used to the place. I wanted him to do that for those reasons and because I didn't want him "handling" her before me- so that she would bond to me and not him. 
So guess what? Got home and foumd MY supposed present on his shoulder- I was so pissed off, not only because he didn't listen to me but now because she's more bonded to him than me- he had two days off in a row that week so he spent all of that time with her sitting on his shoulder- to her credit she did settle in really quickly and couldn't wait to explore the place- so now she prefers my bf over me.


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## Nika (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi There, thanks for the reply . It's somewhat a relief to know that somebody can really understand what I'm on about  She makes special chirping sounds when HE'S around and generally will show him her affection in a way she'll never do to me. Do you think it also could be because female tend to prefere male owners?


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## Mika (Sep 8, 2008)

Hi, This is a common problem with parrots, cockatiels are known to be more of a family bird then other parrots and often will like all members of the family but they usually still have a favorite and some cockatiels are more of a one person bird then others. It does not really make a difference if the bird is male or female, they do not seem to choose the opposite sex in people and a female bird is just as likely to fall in love with a man as she is with a woman. My Jackie (male cockatiel) is very bonded to me and we have been together for 17 years, but he prefers man, any man, so if my husband, dad or male friend want to play with him he will leave me and run right over to them. My cockatoo (we think he is a male) is in love with me and just tolerates everyone ales. When he had to stay with a friend of my for a long time he hated her (do not know why, she tried very hard) but he liked her teen aged son. Parrots are very particular about who they fall in love with and there does not seem to be much we can do about it. I have talked to many people who have this problem with parrots of all different kinds and no one seems to have a way to change their mind. 
Honestly, I think if you work on it the bird will tolerate you and maybe even like you but you can not make them fall in love with you. Although on occasion a parrot will fall in love with a new person for no apparent reason. So i think you should allow the cockatiel to be in love with your fiance and, if possible, get a second bird (possibly a different type) to be "your" bird.


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## Nika (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi Mika, I have very little experience with birds, but what you wrote in your reply (thanks a million for that) is something what I'd envisaged intuitively. I think Cuddy tolerates me (she'd eat some of her fav snacks out of my hand and scream when I leave the room), but it's nowhere near how sweet she is with my partner. And, although (I never, ever in a million years would have thought I could've been upset about a bird!!!!!) it's quite heartbreaking, I feel there's nothing I can do to make her be the same with me. Especially that it's me who spends much more time with her, Chris, while doing nothing for her (he doesn't even feed her) won her heart for no apparant reason, but he definately did. I'm quite childlish about, despite being in my 30ties:blush: and will leave the room when she abandons me and runs straight to him!
I have been thinking about getting another bird, BUT that could happen again so I think I'll just look after Cuddy accepting that she doesn't love me


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## jc119007 (Dec 28, 2009)

My bird is social though, and will spend time with me in the room, but it's always the case of who got there first. My bf works in the restaurant business while I teach English, so I get up really early while he gets up later and is the one who lets her out of her cage. In the afternoons he is home before me so of course she is already out of the cage by the time I walk through the door. Saying that, she does go ballistic and won't stop flying around and calling until she sits on my shoulder, but then the shameless hussy will go off and sit quietly on bf's shoulder if she's had enough of me. I think your jealousy is totally understandable, as with mine, but in some ways I know that since bf is the first person he sees in the morning & afternoon it's normal that she feels that he's there more often.

Saying that, bf has been shipped off to another town for a month or so so now she's all MINE


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## Mika (Sep 8, 2008)

Well, look at the bright side, at least she does not go out of her way to attack you. You would not believe how many parrots will love one member of the family and viciously attack others (especially the spouse), however that seems to be more common with some of the larger species, fortunately cockatiels are much more easy going 
I know how you feel because I am around the same age as you and also am somewhat childish when it comes to the pets. 
One thing I have noticed about animals, not just birds, is that sometimes they are attracted to the one person who pays no attention to them (I guess they like those who play hard to get). My mom pays no attention to my dog and my dog always goes totally crazy over her But I guess people can also be very strange when it comes to who they are attracted to and sometimes it makes no sense at all as to why someone falls in love with that particular person. 
I think if you were to get another bird you should go to a breeder who has several baby birds and spend some time there and see which baby is most drawn to you. When I went to get Jackie I went with my friend and her boyfriend. Jackie was the most outgoing of all the baby tiels at the breeders house and he went to both me and my friend but was the most interested in her boyfriend and like I said to this day he prefers man. When I got the cockatoo he was an adult bird and lived in a aviary and the people there did not even know if he was tame. Well as soon as I went in there he came to me and was very friendly towards me. My female cockatiel, Tiko, likes me the most but I think its mostly because I am the one who spends time with the birds, she probably would bond well to most people. She is not very affectionate with me but I am not sure if that's just her personality, if its because she is not that attracted to me, or possibly its because she lives with the male cockatiel and he grooms her so she gets the affection from him and does not need it from me, who knows 
When you get a bird its kind of like having a baby, you do not know what their personality will be and you can not make them into exactly who you want them to be, they will have their own likes and dislikes and you need to accept them for who they are, even if its not exactly what you were hoping for.


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## Nika (Nov 9, 2010)

Morning Girls,what you're both saying makes a lot of sense  I must admit that Cuddy was probably like a baby to me (unfortunately I can't have one) so I had huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge  expecations towards her. She is who she is though and I will take the best care of care regardless. Recently she hasn't even been this social (sitting on top of the cage looking completely at peace), looks like I got myself an independent chick 
JC- all the sweetest while your Bf is away for the whole month, yay!


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## jc119007 (Dec 28, 2009)

Hi girls!
I must admit that Kikou goes through mood swings too, I have noticed that if I'm having a bad day and get narky then she's really loud and annoying while if I'm playing couch potato she will either sit quietly on top of her cage or sit on my shoulder (like I said the bf is out of town hee hee). Sometimes I'll have a snooze on the couch too, if I'm at home alone she goes in her cage but if the bf's around she will insist on sitting on me while I'm sleeping, there's no way that she'll stay with the bf. Lucky I don't move at all, don't want to wake up with squished cockatiel.

Saying that, I do try to have a social bird, if I don't have many people over then she's out of her cage, of course if I have 5 or more she tends to freak out with all the people so I prefer that she stays in her cage but in the same room with us. Since I have people over often she has no problem sitting on people's shoulder or flitting from head to head (she loves playing with hair), though after "saying" hello she'll either go back to either me or the bf.


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## Nika (Nov 9, 2010)

JC- I wish my partner was transfered elsewhere for a while  I had the whole morning with her and she even followed me into room while I was moving. However, as soon as Himself got up, she forgot about me and acted her usual "I'm his girl, stay away from me or I'll bite you" Eh....


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