# This is too much.. I hate him! *Need help*



## sayde

PLEASE BE KIND AND HELP Me..i'm not feeling well with all this guilt

That's it! That's it! I have this cockatiel for 3 months and i spend at least half a day with my hand inside,giving him treats and it doesn't work. Now first of all I don't even want to hear all that nonsense about giving treats as a reward or talking quietly to him because I tried all of it and it didn't work. I searched so many times "my cockatiel doesn't trust me" on google that my hands hurt,hoping I would find something,also read on this forum. Nothing works --_-- 

Each day.. when he eats from my hand he doesnt mind if i touch him but when I take the food off my hand he runs like **** without even moving. He doesn't eat while he sits on my hand cause he can't due to the position or he doesn't want. I got him outside of the cage many times and he acts okay when I'm near him but he is a pain in the butt when it comes to bringing him back in the cage or even trying to teach him the step up command. 

I can't stand it! DAYS DAYS PASS AND NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING HAPPENS,HE ACTS THE SAME. EVEN IF I STAY ONE HOUR WITHOUT MOVING. I've never been so angry at a pet in my whole life. I can't stand seeing him each day in a cage thinking it's my fault,but also his. 

Some say doing the same things give you the same results... true in this case. 


I LOST HOPE,I LOST HOPE.. now i want to give him to someone or get his wings clipped. Either way I hate him. He doesn't bite like heck BUT EACH TIME A SMALL AMMOUNT OF PROGRESS is made (like he lets me pet him for 2 min) then everything is ruined by his stupid fear. 


I HAD A FEMALE before I got him and she was the most trustful partner ever,got used to me in 1 month. Ate while she was on my hand too. 

I TRIED PUSHING ON HIS LOWER PARTS softly so he steps up but he doesnt,he runs!

Sorry for raging but im so annoyed nothing is made,NO PROGRESS AT ALL.


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## JaimeS

I am sorry you are having so much trouble. It does sound like a frustrating situation and I imagine he is picking up on your stress. 

I am not sure if you are seeking help to keep trying with him or if you are certain you want to re-home him. If you are at the point of re-homing please let us know your general location.

If you want to keep trying I hope that some of the training experts on here can give you some helpful advice!


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## sayde

not yet,but i want your help. 

tomorrow ill get his wings clipped hopefully


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## MeanneyFids

3 months is a small amount of time in bird time. it isnt always easy to tame a bird, and some birds are shyer or more timid and scared than others, each bird is an individual. this bird may be a lot more scared than your last bird and you should be patient and respect his feelings and space if he feels threatened. working with a shy bird is a lot different than working with a bold bird. it takes much longer as they take longer to adapt to their environment, which he very well still could be doing. sometimes a bird will be happy to have treats but does not want to step up. some birds have a fear of hands. i have worked for the last year and a half taming two lovebirds ive gotten as a baby. ive had my fingers shredded and bitten to the bone with the female, and its paid off and she is tame, but she is bold and required different taming methods than her brother. her brother is scared of fingers so he wont step up, but he will tolerate handling on his terms, he doesnt like being touched too much (like petting) and he is really skittish and wont take food from hand often. he is still not tame but there is slow improvement with him. we dont push him nor do we follow the same steps with a more outgoing bird.


with scared birds you want to move at their pace. it takes ten times longer and there is no guarantee. a bird shouldnt be forced to be tame, they should be able to learn to trust you over time, on THEIR terms, not yours. their terms can be months or even years. the best relationships are based on the trust you gain with your bird. you have to earn his trust, and you arent going to do that by trying to force him to tame up. dont push him, dont stress him, go at his pace and let him go to you and make the interactions. there is no need to try to tame up in a few short months. you wont get the best relationship out of it. 

your frustration and anger is just going to make him even more scared, so take a deep breath and calm down. 

not all birds are the same, they need to be worked with differently. if he is that scared, you need to slow down and go at his pace and be very patient and careful. its not easy to tame a skittish shy bird, but it can be done, but go in with the expectations that each time you interact with him you will get to know eachother more, not with the expectations you want him to have by wanting to be pet and cuddled, most shy birds arent going to warm up to someone within a few weeks or months.

keep trying, but slow the pace down a bit.


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## bjknight93

Good post, DallyTsuka.

And to give another perspective..I picked up a bird on New Year's Eve of the past year so I've had him for 8 months. He is terribly fearful of hands and won't even eat millet from me; I think he is scared of being grabbed. He always flies away when we try to catch him to put him in the cage, and he gets so stressed during nail clipping that he is panting heavily by the time we finish with him. I've had him EIGHT months and I figure he may always be this way..though he is beginning to come around a bit more. 

I wanted to have all my birds flighted but we recently decided that Taz needed to be clipped to make him more dependent on us, and so he won't continue to fly away when we need to cage him. As soon as his wings were clipped, he was like a totally different bird. In his home before me (he was 2 years old when I got him) he was always clipped. So it may be that he was never able to be flighted that made him so bad, or just because he has a fear of hands. Now that he is clipped, he is more dependent on us, and he tends to step up more often than he runs away.

I think you might go ahead and get your bird clipped, and continue working with him. Some birds surprise you after some time.


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## Ghosth

I currently have 2 birds, Cara who was a hand raised male that I got extremely lucky with, and Joey who is over 5, and was in a poor situation. 

I can do almost anything with Cara, including flipping him so that he lays upside down in my hand. (He doesn't much care for it, but he trusts me)

Joey when she first arrived had a defensive perimeter of 6-8 inches. Get a hand in that space and she'd hack at it. She had obviously never been trained to step up on a stick. Had been pretty much cage bound for years. In a bit over a month I've gained enough trust that she will if she wants eat from my hand outside of the cage. She will move on her own to within about 6" of me, and she no longer trys to attack my hand. She will however run. That is fine, her running lets me know when I've push her to her limit.
When she starts to turning to run, is my signal to back off. So progress is being made, but as Tsuka keeps saying it has to be at their pace, not ours.

Patience, lots of love, keeping emotions under control, keeping movements slow and smooth all help.


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## enigma731

Like everyone has already said, each bird is an individual. You must work at his pace, not yours. If he will eat from your hand, then the taming process IS working. What is it that you would like him to do? You cannot train him to be affectionate -- some birds will never particularly like to be petted, and most birds don't like to go back in their cage. If you cannot get past resenting him for not wanting to be petted, then it may be the right decision to rehome him. Birds are not like dogs. Affection from them is a privilege, not an expectation. You may yet be able to earn that from him, but it will never happen while you are angry or hateful.


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## nassrah

Hello Unfortunately,there is no set recipe for dealing with cockatiels.Why do most of us choose to have them as pets ? Because they can be very smart isnt it ?Having that in mind, always remember that thats exactly what gives them personality, which means that they have to be dealt with individually.Lots of love , patience and respect for the bird is the key . Good luck and all the best X x


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## tielfan

It will be helpful to pay attention to his body language while you're working with him. When he is in the mood to step up or let you pet him, take advantage of the opportunity. If he doesn't seem to be in the mood, don't push him to do anything that he doesn't want to do - that will make him run away or try to bite, which is a step in the wrong direction. 

Instead, do things that he is comfortable with at that particular moment. If he doesn't want to eat from your hand, maybe he would like to walk a couple of steps to pick up a small treat that you put down on the table between you and him - that is very literally a step in the right direction. Then maybe he would like to walk a couple of steps closer to you when you put down another small treat. Does he like mirrors? If he does, then maybe he would like to look at a mirror that you're holding in your hand. You may be able to think of other things you can do together that will be fun for your bird, and these things will gradually teach him to trust you and enjoy hanging out with you. Try to make it fun for yourself too. Birds pick up on our emotions very easily, and your bird will feel more confident about you if you're relaxed and happy instead of frustrated and tense.


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## Sheldonsmom

*Leonard is like that also*

I got Leonard in Nov and he still wont let me handle him either. He enjoys watching me and talking to me through the cage. He may come around and he may not, I am just enjoying him for who he is. Crazy non stop talker and singer.


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## Fortunate

Had my guy for 3yrs and just this morninghe ate out my hand!
Having them clipped helps alot - since clipping tempest its easlier to cage him!

Good luck - you may have a long road ahead of you but it will be worth it!


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## sayde

Thanks for your replies. i was scared,now im patient and secure on myself


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## JaimeS

I am happy you are feeling more confident. Keep us posted with how things go!


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## sunnysmom

I think your feeling more confident will definitely help. I think tiels are very sensitive to emotions. I know my tiel who I think is all in all very good will act up if he feels that I'm getting frustrated or annoyed. Usually, when I take a minute to calm down he then calms down too.


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## smays810

I started working at a bird rescue a few months ago and their trick to help tame extremely fearful birds is to bring them into the bathroom and work with them there. If the bird is really bad and not trusting they will wrap them up in a towel and what they do is say "scratch scratch" they touch the beak a couple of times and say "good bird" or something to that effect until the bird is not so scared anymore. Then they start to work with the step up command. I have been working with a very shy Myers parrot for a few weeks and what we do is place him on a perch of some kind and then we do the "scratch scratch" thing and then ask him to step up. We watch his body language and when he starts to get unsure of himself we put him back on the perch so he can gather himself and calm down then we do it all over again. We can only do this for 10- 15min then he flys to a corner and thats his signal that he's done. You may want to try something like that but first you should clip his wings so he can't fly away. If he really is hard to tame you could try the bathtub thats what they do for the smaller birds and they work with them in there because its an even smaller area and they cant really fly up and over the sides. These are just a few things that you could think about trying and see if some progress is made. The people at the bird rescue have been doing these methods for years and have had great success.


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## meaggiedear

smays810 said:


> I started working at a bird rescue a few months ago and their trick to help tame extremely fearful birds is to bring them into the bathroom and work with them there. If the bird is really bad and not trusting they will wrap them up in a towel and what they do is say "scratch scratch" they touch the beak a couple of times and say "good bird" or something to that effect until the bird is not so scared anymore. Then they start to work with the step up command. I have been working with a very shy Myers parrot for a few weeks and what we do is place him on a perch of some kind and then we do the "scratch scratch" thing and then ask him to step up. We watch his body language and when he starts to get unsure of himself we put him back on the perch so he can gather himself and calm down then we do it all over again. We can only do this for 10- 15min then he flys to a corner and thats his signal that he's done. You may want to try something like that but first you should clip his wings so he can't fly away. If he really is hard to tame you could try the bathtub thats what they do for the smaller birds and they work with them in there because its an even smaller area and they cant really fly up and over the sides. These are just a few things that you could think about trying and see if some progress is made. The people at the bird rescue have been doing these methods for years and have had great success.


Grey is the only bird I've ever had to actually work with and the bathroom is where I took him to bond. It's a small area and they can't really run away. It worked great so this is a really good idea.


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## Dpaus

sayde said:


> PLEASE BE KIND AND HELP Me..i'm not feeling well with all this guilt
> 
> That's it! That's it! I have this cockatiel for 3 months and i spend at least half a day with my hand inside,giving him treats and it doesn't work. Now first of all I don't even want to hear all that nonsense about giving treats as a reward or talking quietly to him because I tried all of it and it didn't work. I searched so many times "my cockatiel doesn't trust me" on google that my hands hurt,hoping I would find something,also read on this forum. Nothing works --_--
> 
> Each day.. when he eats from my hand he doesnt mind if i touch him but when I take the food off my hand he runs like **** without even moving. He doesn't eat while he sits on my hand cause he can't due to the position or he doesn't want. I got him outside of the cage many times and he acts okay when I'm near him but he is a pain in the butt when it comes to bringing him back in the cage or even trying to teach him the step up command.
> 
> I can't stand it! DAYS DAYS PASS AND NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING HAPPENS,HE ACTS THE SAME. EVEN IF I STAY ONE HOUR WITHOUT MOVING. I've never been so angry at a pet in my whole life. I can't stand seeing him each day in a cage thinking it's my fault,but also his.
> 
> Some say doing the same things give you the same results... true in this case.
> 
> 
> I LOST HOPE,I LOST HOPE.. now i want to give him to someone or get his wings clipped. Either way I hate him. He doesn't bite like heck BUT EACH TIME A SMALL AMMOUNT OF PROGRESS is made (like he lets me pet him for 2 min) then everything is ruined by his stupid fear.
> 
> 
> I HAD A FEMALE before I got him and she was the most trustful partner ever,got used to me in 1 month. Ate while she was on my hand too.
> 
> I TRIED PUSHING ON HIS LOWER PARTS softly so he steps up but he doesnt,he runs!
> 
> Sorry for raging but im so annoyed nothing is made,NO PROGRESS AT ALL.


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## Elena & Freddy

I have problem with my cockatiel too he hates hands and he will bite them but and he started to trust me all I hade to do was but a Towle over my arm and I'm so sorry for what is happening with your cockatiel.


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