# Bonding problems?



## KristenNic0le (Jan 20, 2015)

Hello all! I'm so glad I found this website, I recently acquired a beautiful Tiel', I've been lurking and reading as much as I can but I am still having some struggles.

I've had her nearly two weeks now, when I went to get her from the store she had just arrived that morning and I took her home early afternoon (not my intention, I fell in love) she hadn't been handled by the folks at the pet store yet as they let them adjust, but didn't try to bite or shy away from hands in her cafe unless you actively tried to touch her. 

I bought her a large cage, bird bath, treats, toys for her to chew on, and set up her home. I allowed her to settle for 2-3 days, talking quietly to her and never getting in her space unless it was to change her food and water. However she was not eating well...I moved her close to a window and left all my blinds open and put on some nature sounds for her when I was away at work. She finally started eating normal and chirping now and then, I also put a small mirror in her cage which she loved. 

Over the next week I started spending more time by her cage talking to her, just sitting near her...however she immediately goes to a corner and retreats when I simply put my hand in the cage with her. I've been working on this consistently for awhile now and seem to be making no progress. I use the same greetings/goodbyes with her, and I've tried several different treats, banana on a stick, Cheeros, yogurt covered Cheeros (that the pet store recommended) I started by putting one or two in her food and she honestly has no interest in them. 

I seem to be at an impasse with her; and don't know if Im doing something wrong or perhaps rushing her? She seems comfortable in her environment just not around me (when I'm close) I read and sing to her and spend 1-2 hours min in the room with her a day (often more then that when possible). I'm worried I might be missing my window to bond with her, and I don't want her to grow afraid. She sometimes makes the angry little "huff" noises at me as well when I put my hand in. 

Sorry this is so long winded, trying to include all the information I can. Any suggestions or encouragement would be much appreciated. Thank you all in advance!


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## sunnysmom (Sep 23, 2011)

Hi. I think it's normal for tiels to be cage territorial and she probably doesn't like you putting your hand in "her" space. Does she come out of the cage yet? Maybe let her try coming out on her own. I never take my tiel out of his cage. He comes out when he wants- which is basically always. But can you sit with her with the cage door open? Maybe put a perch on the outside of the cage near the door with a favorite treat? You may have more luck working with her outside of the cage rather than in. And just remember that all tiels are different. Some adjust quicker than others. Just try to work at her pace.


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## Charlotte (Jun 4, 2014)

I wouldn't worry, it sounds like you're doing everything right  I was a super worrier when I first got Murray last year, and most of the problems I thought I had just needed time - I'm sure that's all you little one needs! Murray is hand fed but she used to tremble when I talked to her at first, but it didn't last. Keep taking it slow and I'm sure she'll come around! x


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## mutt (Jan 20, 2015)

i am not bird guru but i have informed myself from many sources, here is what i see you may be doing wrong.
i am positive that mirrors are not good for parrots, as they may become obsessed with it, many people say to remove mirror, i suggest you remove mirror to be safe your bird does not obsess.
you also said you put hand in cage, i have read that you should not do that even with tame cockatiel, because you are violating territory. as they have suggested, let bird come out and teach step up command if you say bird is not aggressive it is easier. respect territory, to win trust.
other, patience, two weeks is small time. be gentle and you can tame bird i am sure. i am working on my own tiel, and i am at the patience stage too.


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## Charlotte (Jun 4, 2014)

mutt said:


> i am not bird guru but i have informed myself from many sources, here is what i see you may be doing wrong.
> i am positive that mirrors are not good for parrots, as they may become obsessed with it, many people say to remove mirror, i suggest you remove mirror to be safe your bird does not obsess.
> you also said you put hand in cage, i have read that you should not do that even with tame cockatiel, because you are violating territory. as they have suggested, let bird come out and teach step up command if you say bird is not aggressive it is easier. respect territory, to win trust.
> other, patience, two weeks is small time. be gentle and you can tame bird i am sure. i am working on my own tiel, and i am at the patience stage too.


I have read all of those things too Mutt, but I think the fact is all birds are individuals and it really depends. Some birds are obsessed with mirrors, some just like to sing to them occasionally, others, like my Murray, get absolutely nothing out of a mirror and ignore them! I can also put my hand into Murray's cage with no problem. She knows its her territory and she's pretty secure with that - unless I reach over the top of her she tolerates it just fine so I can put food/water in. Having said that, she chooses when to come in and out herself and you sure should respect your bird's boundaries. Again, its all about getting to know your bird and finding a balance  Hope you're going strong with your bird! x


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## mutt (Jan 20, 2015)

Charlotte said:


> I have read all of those things too Mutt, but I think the fact is all birds are individuals and it really depends. Some birds are obsessed with mirrors, some just like to sing to them occasionally, others, like my Murray, get absolutely nothing out of a mirror and ignore them! I can also put my hand into Murray's cage with no problem. She knows its her territory and she's pretty secure with that - unless I reach over the top of her she tolerates it just fine so I can put food/water in. Having said that, she chooses when to come in and out herself and you sure should respect your bird's boundaries. Again, its all about getting to know your bird and finding a balance  Hope you're going strong with your bird! x


you are very much right, charlotte.
i was suggesting under the assumption kristen does not know her bird's personality very well yet, the safest approach can help tame easier. once she knows bird well, she may find if the safe approach is needed anymore or not.
thank you, it has been only three days with my bird, and i am going as i suggested, safely and slowly. it is all about patience for me, and trying to make bird as comfortable as can.


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## bobobubu (Dec 12, 2011)

Mirror in this situation means that the bird will bond with her image way before bonding with the keeper. 
I suggest mirror out of the way until after you found some kind of bonding and understanding with your baby. 
Good luck and don't give up! Sometimes it takes a bit more.


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## dianne (Nov 27, 2013)

I like the idea of a perch right outside the door. That's what I did with my tiels. I got two 12 inch comfy perches and put one in a semicircle right inside the door, and one right outside. This seemed to make them more comfortable being out of the cage.

I understand your being afraid of "losing the window." I felt that way too. But, I don't think there is a window to lose, unless you just ignore the tiel all the time, which I know you are not doing. Otherwise, they are curious and will come out. You can be there with a spray of millet and/or some sunflower seeds to give them.

My two tiels were and are still very different. The older female, Emma, is not hand friendly, even after a year. She will come to my arm, though, if I have treats on offer. My male, Silver, was into stepping up right from the beginning. I didn't treat them differently, except for accepting Emma's boundaries.


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## bobobubu (Dec 12, 2011)

Hey Dianne, fancy meeting here 

External perches near to their 'safe " zone (cage) are a great idea, I got a few just outside the entry, possibly with some treat or a leaf of something attached to it (small). They are extremely curious creatures and usually sooner or later will go have a look, from there on they will be more comfortable.


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## Stacy (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm new at cockatiel parenting myself. I have had my two cockatiels for a little over two weeks. And despite following every step in the taming technique I feel like I'm taking two steps forward 5 steps back. I knew it was going to take a lot of patience but I had no idea how long it would take. I think the bonding process also takes a lot of perseverance too. I am hoping in a year from now we will be able to get them to step up without running away.


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## bobobubu (Dec 12, 2011)

Stacy, every bird is a different individual 

Edit : sorry the rest of the message I wrote disappeared. Disregard this one, as it is it doesn't make any sense lolol


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