# My relationship with my bird has gotten really bad



## younggeezy (Oct 6, 2011)

I have had him for 2.5 years now and I think hes such a great pet. We used to get along (sort of), but then I moved away for 4 months and when he was at my parents place my brothers didn't treat him well. They yelled at him and hit his cage.

Now he doesn't trust me, he sits on the outside of his cage and he screams all day. If I pick him up its because i was quicker to grab him then he is to get away. I can hand feed him millet I do it all the time, and I often talk really nice to him, stand beside his cage and whistle. But our relationship is absolute ****, there is no longer a reward in owning him because he hates me so much and I cant change it. He isnt tame, he hisses at me every time i get beside his cage. He will sit on my shoulder for 30 seconds before flying back to his cage. He won't even eat any fruit or vegetables because hes so scared of me and everything I bring to the cage. I feel there is no changing our relationship and I'm at the edge of giving him up.

Can anybody help me save this bird before its too late?


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## jasedee (Jul 3, 2011)

Is he clipped?


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## AMSD (Nov 2, 2010)

How long have you had him back for? Was he tame before all of this happened?
It will take time and effort to rebuild trust, just the way it does when you get a new bird (baby or mature) Cockatiels are 'prey' animals and are naturally fearful of new things/perceived threats and you will have to have a lot of patience during the 'bonding' process. It sounds as though he had a VERY horrible stay at your parents house and you cannot blame him for being so fearful and you can't expect him to change overnight. I believe that the hard work required for a successful rehabilitation is always worth it but if you feel that you can't commit to it then maybe you should look at rehoming him.
I hope that you can find a way to make it work without giving up


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## DyArianna (Aug 7, 2011)

The simple fact that you are asking for advice/help is an awesome step! Glad you have your friend back. Where do you have him located in your house (bedroom, living room, etc)? Is your household busy/loud? What is his bedtime routine (do you cover him at night and if so, how many hours of darkness does he get? How are his eating habits (what types of food does he eat)? It will take time, but you could get your sweetie back if you let him take his own steps. There are many on here who have wonderful advice on training/bonding with your bird.


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## Annie (Nov 20, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I'm sure you had a good reason to move away for 4 months, whatever it was. If I may, I would like to encourage you to hang in there for just a little while more and continue to try and fix your relationship. :yes: Tiels are like children. Think about what he has been through. He didn't know why you had to move away and if you were ever coming back. All he knows is that you "abandoned" him and he had to stay in an environment where he was not wanted. He was mistreated, yelled at, and hat his cage hit all the time.  It is natural that he resents you and is angry with you and is now fearful of the world, including you. I understand how you feel now, and it is hard to try to tame a bird that, as you say, hates you and hisses at you at the time. But I'd say keep trying. There are lots of excellent articles, both on the Internet and on this forum, on taming birds. He has been through a lot of trauma and they are always the hardest to tame but it has been done. All it takes is compassion and a whole lot of patience.  I believe in the old saying that time heals all wounds. In time, his traumatic past will slowly fade away. Just try to give him as loving a home as you can give him now. If you are going to rehome him, he will even be more traumatized because he is passed to someone else yet again, and it will be even harder to tame him then, and he may live out his life as a miserable, angry, and fearful bird who hates everyone. Who else will have the patience to tame him now if not you? Who else will put up with all that hissing and "mean" behaviour? From what you said, it actually doesn't sound that bad. You said he is willing to sit on your shoulder for 30 seconds before flying away and he is willing to eat millet from your hand. Gradually the 30 seconds will become 45 seconds, then a minute, and so on. Keep bribing him with millet, then offer him a sunflower seed to force him to come closer to you to get it, etc. So it's not a hopeless situation at all. Please continue to inform us of your progess with your bird and continue to ask for advice from the experts on this forum who have like a milliong tiels  and I am sure everyone here will be happy to help.

Hang in there!


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## morla (Aug 15, 2011)

Annie. you sure know how to talk the talk!


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## Annie (Nov 20, 2009)

morla said:


> Annie. you sure know how to talk the talk!


Oh thank you Morla.  I suffered a rather bad childhood and had to fight with depression for a long time so I had to be my own therapist and learn to heal myself and it is a lifelong process so I'm all for healing and reconciliation and all that.  In the end I still have to admit that love, patience and forgiveness heal all wounds, as cheesy and corny as this may sound, because it is true.


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

http://www.talkcockatiels.com/showthread.php?t=22073
This thread will help you with training...at the end of it is a trust video you can follow to help build trust.


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## meowingaround (Mar 15, 2011)

You know there's something that I rarely see suggested anywhere but it works wonders with mine.

Ok holding a bird that isn't trusting anywhere near it's cage, is gonna end in disappointment for you. If he can easily get back to the cage his instinct is gonna make him do that. Not his fault or yours.

Spend some time in your bathroom with your baby, turn the shower on and have as little light as possible so he can still see but he also relaxes.. and just hold him close to your face and talk to him. Sing to him, Whistle at him.


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## roxy culver (May 27, 2010)

meowingaround that's a good suggestion, once the bird is not afraid of hands first. Every time you grab a bird out of the cage before it is hand tame, you mess up what little trust you may have built with the bird before that. But once its not afraid of hands anymore, that's a great suggestion.


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## meowingaround (Mar 15, 2011)

thank you I have a crazy tiel so have had to learn new ways to work on things


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