# Unstable bird?



## Jaywire (Nov 6, 2010)

*He only likes the person who DOESN'T like him!*

First post, been a lurker for awhile. I have had cockatiels for years, and this is the first time I've ever seen this. I got Jasper from a mom and pop shop back in september. In the store he begged me to come out then proceeded to climb all over us and preen our hair and just be a lovely bird. So, I didn't even hesitate to buy him.

The first few weeks were great! He sang to me, he begged to come out and would spend the entire day out of his cage. It seemed to be the start of a great bond. He would sit and get scritches for an hour if I let him! 

After about a month though, he started getting weird. Nothing in his environment changed, nothing spooked him.. same thing, every day! He started biting, being somewhat scared of me especially in his cage. He sopped singnig to me, instead decided to scream if I got near, would not come out, nothing. If I did manage to get him out, he would just try to get away from me.

Around this same time, he started becoming completely crazy for my mom. I'm unemployed due to this economy so I spend all day, every day, right here in my room, with Jasper, so it's not like she gives him attention I don't. All my mother does is come in, talk to him and my parakeets for a few minutes, and leaves. Thats it. She does not care about them, she does not want to touch them or play with them, anything. she likes to talk to them for a couple minutes and honeslty couldn't care anymore than that.

Jasper on the other hand, he is in love. He sings and cage slides and coos to her, he does heart wings and wolf whistles (never done any of that to me). When she leaves its a screaming, freak out flap around the cage cage sliding FIT. He actually hit his head freaking out and had a nice little scuff where he lost feathers. He would then calm down but scream for upwards of 30 minutes for her. If he hears her cough, talk, sneeze, burp, ANYTHING, it's a screaming fit for 15 minutes minimum. He sees her walk down the hall, it's a screaming fit. It's unbearable. She has never done anything but talk to him and maybe scratch his head once or twice when I had him out. This had lasted over a month, with him being completely terrified of me, to the point of biting if he lands near me when I change his food. 

I finally got sick of it. I told her not to talk to him, call to him when he screams, IGNORE him like he doesn't exist. Don't look at him, nothing. After an awful week of constant screaming all hours of the day, he relented and one day out of nowhere, sang his little tune to me. I then slowly opened the cage, he jumped up on my hand and bowed his head for scritches. The past two weeks have been spent building our relationship back up, and has gone well. He's almost back ot how we were.. but theres still problems.

First off, anytime my mom pays ANY attention to him, I lose alot of progress. I have to spend a few days trying to build it back up. If I have him on my hand and she comes in for an extended period of time, I cannot scritch him or even get my hand near him without getting brutally attacked. Biting is followed with a stern NO. and I drop my hand, leaving him to flutter to the floor. I leave him for 5 seconds, then make him step up and he gets a time out to chill out.

Second, when I do make my progress back, he's weird about scritches. I can get maybe 5 seconds in and he has to hurry and look around, and if he's in a position where he cant pop his head up, my hand gets butchered until he can look up. It takes about 30 minutes for me to finally get a good scritch in, and even then he randomly attacks me. Never did that before.

Third, if I leave the room and he is not out of his cage, he screams for at least 15 minutes. I know this is reversible, but every time I cull that behavior, I lose all progress due to him seeing my mom.

I'm in a rough spot; I can't tell my mom never to come into my room. But any time she's in there, it's as if he remembers she exists and decides he's done with me and freaks for her. It's almost to the point where I want to adopt him out because I can't give him the proper attention. I can't give him to my mom because as I said, she does not care for birds, never has, never will, so she will not give him the attention and love he needs.

I do everything right, by the book, no stupid habits. I don't flick or tap or hit my birds. I really don't understand what is going on and how to fix it. I know it's a bird crush, which they tend to get. But it's the wrong way, and I can't reverse it. Help please!!


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## lperry82 (Aug 2, 2010)

Iv never experienced this before, well budgies screamed as they was scared of me
maybe your tiel thinks your mum is a threat as he only bonded with you, Try and get your mom bonded aswell with him so he knows she means no harm.
Im sure others might help you when then they come on


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## Jaywire (Nov 6, 2010)

He isn't scared of my mom; it's as if he views her as his mate.. but out of nowhere. He saw her and bam, smitten, and becomes terrified of me. When he gets around her he tries to fly to her and jump on her shoulder, begs for scritches etc, coos and sings and kisses and preens her if he gets a chance to get on her. When he gets like this with her, he becomes absolutely terrified of ME. IT takes days to calm him down and start from square one.



lperry82 said:


> Iv never experienced this before, well budgies screamed as they was scared of me
> maybe your tiel thinks your mum is a threat as he only bonded with you, Try and get your mom bonded aswell with him so he knows she means no harm.
> Im sure others might help you when then they come on


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## dianaxgalvez (May 3, 2010)

I have a similar story, even though not so severe ! 
One of my birds really likes my mother... He dances and whistles every now and then to/with me but when my mother is around, just the sight of her releases a bunch of tunes, dances, he goes crazy to come out of the cage... he loves her... I guess they develop crushes on people ?!


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## lperry82 (Aug 2, 2010)

Ahhh got you i did about Crushes
It is quite frequent for birds to develop crushes on other animals (i.e another bird) or even on other people. Usually, you'll notice that your bird is acting hormonal around that person (ie protective, displaying, singing etc.). The bird might even try to mate with the chosen object of desire. The male will rub his vent on the object whereas the female will lift her tail and kind of arch her head back and make faint whistling sounds. Crushes might go away or persist, it usually won't persist if the object of desire is removed. If your bird develops a crush on someone else than you, even if you are the primary care taker, don't take it as a sign that your bird doesn't love you... he just doesn't love you "that" way! from http://www.tailfeathersnetwork.com/birdinformation/behavior.php


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## tielfan (Aug 31, 2008)

Sometimes birds get scared for no apparent reason and it can take a long time to win them over again. This happened with Henry about a year ago and I still haven't gotten back to head scritchies with him, although he adores me otherwise.

Have you been holding treats in your hand for him to eat? Food bribery is a very useful relationship-building tool, and it's how I got Henry to eventually like me again. Hormone reduction techniques might be helpful for putting the damper on his love for your mother.


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## Jaywire (Nov 6, 2010)

The past three days have been awful. It was all starting to come together, again, but he has regressed back to his fear of me and screaming for her. Going on nearly two months of this behavior I'm starting to lose my patience, mainly because of the great progress, then all the sudden simply losing it. Every morning, he starts cage sliding so fast you can hardly keep your eyes on him and SCREAMING for her. If I get near the cage, it's instant fear and flapping around the cage, screaming as if I'm trying to grab him or something. This goes on for close to 30 minutes, non stop screaming. Right now, he is still screaming an hour later because he saw her. All it even takes is for her voice, and he starts screaming and will not stop. She pays 0 attention to him now, after I told her what's going on. None. Doesn't even say Hi to him. Treats him like he's not even there. But she's getting tired of tip toeing around and being quiet to keep my bird from screaming. And he just gets worse. I'm to the point where I'm considering getting rid of him. He can't get the love and attention he needs because 1, she won't give it to him because she seriously does not care and has told me, and 2, when he gets on these fits, he is terrified of me and everyone else. So my thoughts are, give him a home where SHE isn't and someone can actually bond with him.

As and experiment, when this started a couple months ago, I tried to get him out and got mauled. Bit, clawed, beat with wings, he was all over his cage. I had my mother try, and he got right on my her hand, did heart wings, whistled her a song, cooed and all kinds of stuff. I then had my girlfriend try, she got the same results as me; freak out, bit, scratched, etc.

It's really disheartening and frustrating to make alot of progress, then he just goes right back to square one out of no where one day. And it seems as if there is no way to break him of this stupid crush on someone who does not even like him. It makes no sense at all; I spend the entire day with him, I give him treats, scritches, play with him, get him out of his cage, take him on car rides, everything. But then, out of nowhere, I have to start this whole process again.


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## tielfan (Aug 31, 2008)

I hope that you're able to work things out. But if you seriously decide to rehome him, send me a PM. I have a lot of family in Canton and one of my cousins likes birds and might possibly be interested. She previously had an African grey that had been abused by its first owner, and she's demonstrated that she has patience with "problem" birds. Unfortunately that bird died, and as far as I know she doesn't have any birds right now.


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## Jaywire (Nov 6, 2010)

I've been trying food bribes; I give him a treat when I take him out and when he's around me. I thought it was working, but tonight, it happened again. My mom came into my room and just HAD to open his cage and pet him. I came in and told her to leave him alone! You're going to screw up everything! I went to get him out a bit later and was promptly attacked, follow by a terrified screaming and flapping around his cage away from me. I cannot get past this crush; I've tried everything. Hormone tactics, seclusion, food bribes, but as long as my mother continues to come in and talk to him and touch him regardless of what I say, I can't get anywhere. And when she DOESN'T come in, as long as he even sees or hears her, I can't get anywhere. I'm putting him up for adoption; I'm already working with Tielfan, but if anyone else is in the Ohio area, he's available.


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